


Just What I Needed

by coreopsis



Series: popslash stripperAU [2]
Category: Backstreet Boys, Popslash
Genre: AU, Crossover, M/M, RPS - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-06-17
Updated: 2003-06-17
Packaged: 2017-10-11 04:28:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coreopsis/pseuds/coreopsis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crossovery Backstreet AU in which Kevin is a pop star and Nick is not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just What I Needed

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to DaraQ and Ms Nerd for beta.

"Hey, Carter!" Nick stopped just inside the doorway to the club so his eyes could adjust to the dimness, then turned toward his boss, who called to him again from the bar. "Come here a minute. I need to talk to you."

"I'm not changing my mind, Chris," said Nick as we walked over to the bar area. "Three more days and I'm out of here."

"I've learned to cope." Chris flapped a hand in dismissal. "No, listen, I need you to train the new guy."

"But that's JC's job."

"The last guy he trained quit half way through. He couldn't keep up, said JC was too bendy or something." Chris shrugged. "And anyway, the new guy is more your speed."

Nick raised an eyebrow at that last bit, but only asked, "Well, where's he at?"

"He's in the office filling out his paperwork and-- Oh, here he comes now." Chris waved over a young man with highlighted spiky blond hair and a sleeveless shirt that showed off tightly muscled arms that stopped short of being bulky. "He's okay on stage," Chris confided, "but he needs work on lapdances and chatting up customers."

"Now I see why you didn't give him to JC. The customers just stare at JC and don't expect him to talk."

"Yeah, there's a little of that too," Chris said, cutting off his snicker as the new guy walked up to them. "Nick, this is Lance Bass. Lance, this is Nick Carter. He's gonna give you some pointers and help you with some stuff."

Lance and Nick shook hands and did the nice-to-meet-you thing, and all Nick could think was that with that deep voice and southern drawl it wouldn't matter what Lance said to the customers. Nick made a mental note to tell him to develop that porn voice and he just might find it would be his hook.

"Okay, my little lambs, go find a room and get to work. I have to go wrangle with suppliers and try to keep this place in business for another day or two." Chris sighed mournfully and wandered off toward the office.

Lance shot an alarmed look at Nick. "Is the club in trouble? I really need this job."

"No, Chris just likes to be melodramatic." Nick headed toward the private rooms, glancing back over his shoulder to make sure Lance was following.

Three days, three days, three days. And he was so through with this place. Nick was practically counting off the hours in his head, not because he was miserable here, just impatient to get it over with and start the rest of his life where he only took his clothes off when he wanted to and nobody felt him up slipping dollar bills in his g-string. In fact, he'd never wear a g-string ever again. It would be boxerbriefs or nothing at all.

Once inside a room with the door shut behind them, Nick crossed his arms over his chest. "Okay, what's your main problem?"

Lance looked up from his perusal of the song list by the CD player with a tentative smile. "Huh?"

"What are your weak spots? I know what Chris said, but I want to know what you think they are, and more importantly _why_ you're weak in those areas."

"Oh." Lance cleared his throat. "Well. I guess I'm not good with the one-on-one interactions. I like being onstage. I've been in choirs and school plays and stuff all my life. Performing and having people look at me is not a big deal. It's the--" he gestured vaguely with one hand "--bits where I have to interact with them, get them turned on just for me. It feels a bit like prostitution or something."

"No. It's nothing at all like have some stranger fuck you for a couple of bucks, and if you really think it is, you'll make yourself miserable." Nick sat down on the chair in the middle of the room and motioned Lance toward the sofa. "Look, it's just acting. You pay attention to them as if you really care about what they have to say, as if you are interested in them having the best time ever. And you should be, because that's what this job is all about--selling a fantasy. Taking your clothes off is just one of the tools you use to get the job done."

Lance nodded and really seemed to be absorbing what Nick had just told him, so Nick said, "Okay, pretend I'm the customer and I'm here for a private lap dance."

"Okay." Lance nodded and then put on a bright smile. "Do you have any requests, sir?"

"Yeah, come here and suck my dick," said Nick very seriously, fighting off a smile at the panic that flashed through Lance's eyes.

"I'm sorry, sir, but that's not my job and it's against the rules," Lance said, his smile turning compassionate.

"That's good, but you might want to not bring out the 'sir' unless it's absolutely necessary. You can call them baby or honey or ask their name or whatever. Make them feel like you're doing it because you want to, not like you're working the counter at Burger King."

Lance took a deep breath and said, "Okay, I think I got it. It's a performance. Could we start over with the role playing?"

"Yeah, sure. Since you're not in costume, you don't have to actually strip down unless you just really want to. Just go out in the hall and come in fresh, okay?" Lance nodded and left the room, while Nick made himself comfortable on the chair and waited patiently. He hadn't really done this much, so it'd be interesting to see the performance from the other side.

The door opened again and Lance sidled into the room as if on his way to a clandestine rendezvous. He gave Nick a flirty smile and Nick pretended not to notice how it wobbled at the edges. He strode over to the CD player and started the music without even glancing at the list.

And then he started moving to the music, slow and sensual, as he stepped closer to Nick. He pulled up his shirt tail and flashed a slice of flat tanned stomach, then let it fall back into place with a roll of his hips. He was a beat off the music, but it didn't really matter under the circumstances. He flipped his shirt up again and again, higher each time, until he finally pulled it completely off. He did a very subtle flex and shift movement that showed off his arms and torso very nicely as he got close enough to practically be in Nick's lap. So far so good, and now it was time for another test. "You've got a great voice, so why don't you talk to me? Maybe my wife doesn't understand me or my boyfriend just dumped me. Maybe I'm just lonely and I came here to feel better."

Lance blinked a bit and then started throwing out conversational gambits of the usual kind asking what the patron did for a living or how he was feeling or was he a fan of the Dolphins. Nick kept the conversation going, mostly so he could ignore the fact that Lance was actually very sexy dancing up on him like this.

Nick was just about to tell Lance to take a break, when Lance said, "Hey, Justin--you know him? he's a bartender here--told me that Kevin Richardson comes in here just to see you." His expression wavered between skepticism and wide-eyed wonder. "Is that true?"

"He comes in occasionally, but he's just a customer like all the rest." Nick motioned Lance back as he patiently replied to the question he'd been asked a hundred times in the year and a half since Kevin had been coming in. It was truth that felt like a lie.

"But Justin said he only comes in when you're here and always asks for private dances--"

"He's just a patron of the club." That I'm stupidly sort of in love with, Nick thought as he got up and turned the music off.

"Justin thinks that Kevin's in love with you." Lance put his shirt on and sat down on the sofa, leaning forward as if he was getting ready to dish with his girlfriends. "Come on, you can tell me. Are you dating him on the side?"

"Dating customers is a really bad idea." And Nick had never been on a date with Kevin, had never even seen him outside the club, although he had talked to him on the phone when Kevin was away for months at a time and called up Nick saying he missed him. That had only happened a few times, but each call had lasted just a bit longer than the one before.

"Justin says that one day Kevin's gonna swoop in and carry you off like in 'Pretty Woman'," Lance said wistfully, staring off into space.

"Justin should keep his mouth shut and mind his own fucking business," said Nick, trying hard not to get angry. He had to dance two three-song sets tonight and work the floor as hard as he could so that he'd be taking home as much money as he could when he left, and he needed to be calm and focused right now. "Not that it's any of your business, but after tonight, I'm only working two more shifts and then I'm done. I've saved up enough to start my own business, and I did it all on my own. _Nobody_ had to swoop in and carry me off, you got that? I'm not a hooker with a heart of gold and this isn't some Hollywood fairytale, and you're not gonna last a day if you think it is."

"I'm sorry, Nick. I didn't mean to offend you. I was just curious, and it all sounds so exciting to have a celebrity interested in you."

"Well, if Kevin's just interested in dancers, he's gonna be shit out of luck in a few days. I'm gonna be out on my boat pretending that this place doesn't exist." Nick laughed a little and added, "Until Howie comes to see me, of course. He and I have been friends for a lot of years and that won't change."

"Howie?"

"Yeah, he's a waiter here, should be on shift by now. He's saving up for his own club someday. A regular nightclub, though, not this," said Nick, with a wave of his hand at their surroundings. "He's the one who got me to do this in the first place. Sweet talking bastard."

"Justin--he's actually my roommate--had to talk me into trying out here too. He's making good money tending bar and I would have preferred that too, but he said there were more openings for dancers and that he thought I could do it." Lance shrugged. "Chris seems to agree, and so far it's not too hard."

"Dancing itself isn't the hardest part. It's working the floor. That's where your money comes from. You'll get better with practice." Nick glanced at his watch and cursed. "I gotta go get ready and get onstage. If you have any problems, take it up with Chris until after work, okay? I'll be glad to talk or help you out in any way I can, but only as long as it doesn't interfere with my own earnings. That might sound cold, but dude. It _is_ a competition out there."

"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind." As Lance looked thoughtful and nodded, Nick could almost see the wheels starting to turn and he was suddenly glad that he wouldn't be competing with Lance for very long. He looked like a guy who was gonna succeed no matter what.

 

Nick spotted Kevin half way through his second song--right after he'd pulled off his pants--and he headed straight for the edge of the stage that would put him right in front of Kevin. He felt a little twinge of something dark and unfamiliar as Kevin reached up and stuck a bill in his g-string, trailing his fingers down Nick's thigh as he did so. Nick gave him a shaky smile and immediately moved to the other side of the stage, where he worked overtime with the eye contact and the flirty smiles.

By the time he gathered his clothes and left the stage, he was brimming with satisfaction at his take without even having to count it. He hurried through his backstage business--securing his money and changing into his favorite black patent leather thong--then hit the floor with a confident swagger. The first guy he approached bought a dance and Nick gave the man his full attention, knowing that if he wavered even a bit, he'd be seeking Kevin out and ignoring his customer. He got a generous tip and moved on to the next likely prospect.

Nick got another man to buy him a drink, although not a dance, and he sat and talked to the guy for a few minutes. The man, whose name turned out to be Louis, seemed really interested in Nick's boots, and asked all sorts of questions about them. Finally, when almost all the diet soda was gone from Nick's glass, Louis got a sly, hopeful look on his face, and said, "I'd really like to take you to a private room. Could we do that?"

Nick told him how much a private lap dance would cost, and then smiled seductively. "I'd really like to dance for you."

"I don't... Well, you..." Louis looked away and twisted his stubby hands together on the table top. "Actually, you don't have to dance. I just want you to stand still while I lick your boots, maybe kick at me a little bit. No dancing though."

"I think you're looking for a different kind of club. There's one over on--"

"I'll give you two hundred dollars," Louis broke in impatiently. He had a wild gleam in his eyes, and his hands were rubbing over and over each other so fast that Nick could almost hear the scaly skin rasping against itself. "Three hundred! All for you, just give me ten minutes. It's nothing _bad_."

Nick considered this carefully. He could use the money, and three hundred bucks for ten minutes would take a lot of stress from the rest of the night. With that kind of cushion, he could pick and choose what he did and even leave early if he wanted to. On the downside, this proposition was perilously close to that line he'd never crossed with anyone except for Kevin a couple of times. Letting customers get off in his presence was entirely too much like the sort of prostitution that Lance had been so concerned with. Nick had nothing against prostitution as an institution, but as a personal choice, he'd rather avoid it.

Nick glanced around to see Lance watching the transaction from several feet away, and he thought, no way is that little twink going to swoop in and get this tip because I have a sudden attack of conscience. He smiled at his customer and said, "Let's go."

Louis's face broke out into a pathetically grateful smile and he followed Nick very closely to one of the private rooms.

Nick took the money up front and tucked it away, then asked, "Would you like some music, Louis?"

"No, no that's okay," Louis replied, staring hungrily at Nick's legs and feet. Nick shifted his stance so that his feet were further apart and Louis gasped and closed his eyes for a second. Falling to his hands and knees surprisingly quickly for such a portly man, Louis lowered his face to Nick's tall black boots and began to run his tongue over the shiny leather. Nick watched in horrified fascination as the licking became loud wet slurping, accompanied by hungry piggish grunts and satisfied moans.

After a moment, Nick let his mind wander away from what was happening below his knees. He kept a count of the minutes slowly ticking by as he promised himself he'd never wear boots again after he quit this place. He had cross-trainers and runners, canvas high tops and penny loafers, deck shoes and flip flops, but he would never own another pair of boots, ever. Not even hiking boots. He'd never cared much for the mountains anyway. He'd stick close to the ocean and never need any boots.

The Kevin thing, as he'd taken to thinking about it, was starting to get a little weird. The first time he'd danced for Kevin, he'd flippantly told him to come find him in eighteen months, never really expecting to see Kevin again. The man was an international pop star who got his picture in magazines hanging out with the likes of Elton John and AJ McLean. He could have practically anyone he wanted, and even if he did sink to dating a stripper, he could get a much better one than Nick. Nick knew he was not the best looking guy even in this club, much less the wide world of bars and clubs that Kevin had surely been to. Nobody came to Kirkpatrick's right off the bat. It just wasn't that big or popular. Patrons kind of just ended up here after they'd been everywhere else, and the relaxed atmosphere made them come back.

That's what Kevin had done, and Nick could still remember his surprise the second time Kevin had come to the club, the next night after the first time. He'd appeared out of the crowd next to the stage and tucked a bill into Nick's g-string. It had turned out to be a hundred dollar bill, and Kevin had not stayed around long enough for a private dance. Weeks had passed before Kevin had come back, and that time he'd only bought Nick a drink and gave him a big tip to sit and talk to him for a while. Kevin had remembered what Nick had told him about buying a boat, and had asked all kinds of questions about types of boats, which Key he was moving to, whether he'd specialize in deep sea or back country fishing, and environmental issues. It had sounded like he'd been doing research or something, but Nick dismissed that possibility as unlikely. Kevin seemed pretty smart--certainly smarter than Nick--so maybe he just knew a lot about different stuff.

Nick noticed the moaning and grunting near the floor was getting louder and more frantic sounding, so he checked his mental timer and decided that ten minutes had surely passed. He reached down and patted Louis on the head. "Time's up."

Louis looked up and pouted briefly before shrugging. "Oh. Okay." He climbed slowly to his feet, waving off Nick's half-hearted offer of assistance. "You have wonderful ankles. But you might want to polish your boots more often. I recommend good old fashioned neet's foot oil, instead of that waxy crap in a can."

"Oh, uhh, okay. Thanks." Nick escorted him out the door and pointed him toward the restrooms then came back inside. He sat down on the small sofa in the corner, even though he shouldn't be wasting his time and tying up the room. He was just so tired of it all, and in no hurry to go back out there. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes for a moment, then sighed when he heard someone at the door.

Opening his eyes, Nick started to stand up and leave when he glanced toward the door. Kevin stood there, a tiny smile kicking up one corner of his mouth. "Don't get up on my account."

Nick relaxed back against the sofa cushions and watched warily as Kevin sauntered over and sat down next to him. "If you don't mind my asking, why are your boots wet?"

"The guy that just left? He licked them for ten minutes straight." Nick lifted one shoulder and let it fall in a not quite shrug. "Other people's kinks, man. They keep me in business to some extent."

"Ten minutes? My tongue hurts just thinking about it," said Kevin, then his voice turned low and husky. "I can think of a hundred other parts of you that I'd rather lick, and it would definitely take more than ten minutes to accomplish it all."

Nick swallowed hard and shook his head slowly.

Kevin raised his hand as if to touch Nick's leg, but dropped it back to his own lap before making contact. "I know, Nick, I know. Not yet."

Nick snorted. He didn't believe that Kevin would be around when the illicit thrill was gone, when Nick was just another small businessman who refused to wear boots or g-strings and let himself go a little, not working out so religiously or waxing off most of his body hair. Nobody cared if their captain was scruffy and a little thick through the middle, as long as he was properly certified and knew his stuff--which Nick was and did. Since he only worked at the club four or five days a week, he had plenty of time for classes and temping on various crews in the area or sometimes making the drive down to Key Largo or Islamorada for a day or two of work.

Before Nick could begin to articulate any of his thoughts, a quick discreet knock sounded at the door and Howie stuck his head inside the room. "Oh, excuse me. I didn't know you were with someone, Nick. I'm sorry for interrupting."

"Hey, Howie." Kevin smiled and reached inside his jacket and took out his wallet. He pulled a couple of bills out and said, "Can you bring me a whiskey and bring Nick whatever he usually has?"

"Sure, no problem." Howie came over to take the money, and gave Nick a thorough once over. "I'll go let Chris know that you're okay, Nick. He was worried when he didn't see you back out on the floor."

"I'm fine, just...busy." Nick hoped Kevin wouldn't take that as a request for payment, because he was enjoying his company and the illusion of real friendship too much to bring business into it. He smiled reassuringly at Howie, but saw out of the corner of his eye that Kevin still had his wallet in his hand.

When the door closed behind Howie, Nick said, "Don't you dare try to pay me. I'm feeling enough like a whore tonight. Don't make it worse."

Kevin's eyes widened and when he slipped his wallet back into his pocket, Nick let out a silent sigh of relief. "But I thought you needed the money?" Kevin asked slowly, feeling his way through a conversational minefield.

"I do, but not from you. This whole thing is getting too complicated. I know I'm just another dancer to you, and you should be just another paying customer to me, but you somehow talked me into giving you my cell number and that's so stupid." Nick crossed his arms over his chest to disguise the fine tremor in his fingers. "Okay, you're not exactly the garden variety stalker, but it's not like we're friends or something, either. So, yeah, complicated."

"Actually, I thought we were friends, with the possibility of more when you leave this place." Kevin frowned and fell silent when Howie brought in their drinks. Kevin took a sip of his whiskey and waited until Howie was gone again before speaking. "Have I been a nuisance or done anything disturbing?"

Nick almost choked on his water and sputtered, "No! Oh, hell no!" He set his bottle down on the floor and wiped his mouth. "Kevin, you've been really great and I'm kinda too attached to you, and it's gonna hurt when I never see you again."

"Why can't we see each other again? I'd love for you to take me down to the Keys, and I hoped we could get to know each other better. You know, have conversations where you're completely dressed...or we're both completely naked."

Nick's stomach fluttered and his cock twitched at that mental image, and he had to take a long gulp of his water to soothe his suddenly parched throat. He had to forcibly push the idea of naked Kevin out of his head so he could get back to his point. "Don't you get how fucked up this is? You're a fucking pop star and I'm nothing."

"You are _not_ nothing, Nick. You're determined and knowledgeable about the things you care about, and driven. You're tough but you've got an unexpected sweetness, and best of all you treat me like a regular person. Yes, you're beautiful and sexy on the outside." Kevin reached out and touched Nick for the first time since entering the room, stroking his fingertips along the side of Nick's face making something in his chest flutter and twist almost painfully. "But you're beautiful and sexy on the inside too, and I think I could fall in love with you."

Nick stared at Kevin blankly, unable to process what Kevin had just said to him. It was too crazy to be true. He'd been longing for Kevin and wallowing in the hopelessness of his feelings so much that he must have imagined those words coming out of Kevin's mouth. He swallowed hard and said, "Ummm...I should get back to work."

Walking quickly from the room, Nick ignored Kevin calling his name. Instead of heading straight for the floor, he went to the dressing rooms and paced back and forth in front of the big mirrored makeup table. He occasionally cast sideways glances at his reflection and shook his head.

JC came out of the bathroom, took one look at Nick, and headed straight for the little fridge in the corner. He pulled a bottle of vodka from the tiny freezer compartment and poured a generous shot into a Dixie cup. Nick watched it all and when JC pushed the cup into his hand, he drank down the alcohol like medicine, not enjoying it but knowing he needed it. He never drank on the job, but this was certainly cause to make an exception.

"Okay, what's the damage?" JC wrapped an arm around Nick's bare shoulders, and spoke gently but firmly. "Do I need to send Chris out to adjust someone's attitude?"

Nick shook his head and held out the empty cup. JC smiled and steered them both over to the bottle so he could pour without letting go of Nick. "That's the last one. I'm cutting you off because getting drunk will only make whatever it is worse. Wanna talk?"

"He said he could in love with me and he wasn't even drunk or high or anything."

"Our most famous patron, Mister Richardson? Well, can't say I'm surprised. He was showing all the signs." JC raised an eyebrow and said, "I offered him a lap dance the last time he was here and he turned me down. He broke my perfect record."

That shook Nick out of his shock. "Whoa. He must have been suffering from hysterical blindness that night."

"You're sweet, but no. He could see me just fine, when he wasn't craning his neck to search for you." JC patted Nick on the back and stepped away so he could look directly into his eyes. "Now, the question is...what are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing. I don't know. It can't possibly work." Nick raked his hands through his hair and didn't care how messy it got. "He's also got a place in LA and a farm in Kentucky, so he's only in town a half dozen times a year and it's probably only been that much because he's not on tour. When his next album comes out, he'll never come here."

"Well, then. Tell him 'no thank you' and go on with your life."

"But I'm so tired of being alone. I haven't had a boyfriend since before I got this job. The few guys I've dated couldn't handle it. You are so lucky to have Chris, you know."

"Yes." JC gave him a catlike smile. "Well, do whatever will make you happy, but for what it's worth, I think you should give him a chance. Now I should go and--" he swiveled his hips and arched his back "--get to work."

Nick just blinked at him and started pacing again. JC sighed and shook his head. "Either you're in love with him too, or I'm losing my touch and should hang up my chaps now. Figuratively speaking of course." He flipped up the edge of his extremely short school girl-looking kilt to show the gold lame posing strap he wore underneath.

"It's that first one. You've still got it," Nick assured JC absently, already trying to decide what to say to Kevin.

"Oh. Well, yay for both of us then," said JC happily as he took one last look in the mirror before turning to leave. He stopped short when the door swung open and Kevin strode in, followed by an agitated Howie.

"I told you that you can _not_ come back here," said Howie, pulling on Kevin's arm. "It's nothing personal."

Kevin shook him off and walked over to Nick, who said, "You're really not supposed to be back here, Kevin. I'm sure Chris is on his way and you don't want him to remove you."

"Yeah, but you didn't come back out and I had to know that you were okay." Kevin stared intently in Nick's eyes as if nobody else was in the room, but Nick wasn't so focused that he didn't notice Lance sidling in to stand next to Howie. A second later Chris appeared in the doorway.

"I'm okay," said Nick to anyone who would listen. Nobody but JC even glanced at him, all of their concentration being centered on six feet whatever of irritated pop star.

"What's going on, Nick?" Kevin moved incrementally closer, but didn't try to touch him. "If you don't love me, say so. Don't just walk away and leave me hanging."

"You better snap this one up, boy," JC said with a wink and an encouraging nod. "He's a keeper."

"Hey, something you wanna tell me, C?" Chris asked mildly. "Should I be jealous of mister fancy pants?"

"No, honey." JC blew a kiss at Chris and grinned. "We're talking about _Nick_ here."

"Wow. Justin was right. This _is_ like Pretty Woman," sighed Lance.

"No, it's not," said Howie, smacking Lance lightly on the back of the head. "It's crazy is what it is. Are you guys sure you should be doing this right here and now?"

Continuing to ignore everyone except Nick, Kevin clenched his hands into fists and spoke in a calm, measured tone. "Nick. Do you want me to leave you alone? Walk out of here and never come back? Miami is a big place, and I'm sure we'd never have to see each other again. If that's what you really want."

Nick licked his lips and shook his head. "We shouldn't be doing this here. It upsets Howie. He gets a little protective."

Kevin smiled and the watchers all snickered except for Lance who just looked at Howie with an unreadable expression. Nick raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "Besides, do you really want these guys all up in our business?"

"No, I don't think we need that." Kevin turned to Chris and said, "Sorry for breaking the rules, but could I have a few minutes alone with Nick?"

Howie's mouth opened as if to protest but Lance clamped a hand over it and started tugging Howie out the door. Chris stepped aside to let them pass and then pinned Kevin with a promise-of-death glare. "You get ten minutes, and then I'm coming back to check on him. If he's not okay, it won't matter how rich and famous you are. I know exactly where to hide your body."

"Chris--" Nick said, but Chris cut him off before he could get any further.

"Ten minutes. You are still working here, aren't you?" Nick nodded, and Chris grinned. "Well, as much as I enjoy a little dressing room drama, I better see you shaking your ass up on the stage fifteen minutes from now."

"Oh, I guess that's my cue, huh?" JC kissed Nick on the cheek. "It'll all work out." He winked at Kevin as he sauntered by and gave Chris a quick but lusty kiss on the mouth before disappearing out the door.

After a few seconds to collect himself, Chris checked his watch and then glanced up at the clock on the wall. "I'll be back in 10 minutes." He shut the door behind him as he left.

Nick and Kevin stared at one another for a long moment, until finally Nick couldn't take the silence any longer. He leaned against the edge of the table and ran his fingers through a pile of long white tickle feathers that someone had left there. "This is not the way it was supposed to be."

"How so?" Kevin reached for Nick's other hand and Nick let him take it.

"I was supposed to work here for a couple years, save up all the money I could, and get out unscathed and unscarred and mostly untouched. And then start my business and get on with my life. I didn't expect to meet someone like you." Nick looked down at Kevin's fingers wrapped around his. "Lance is right. It's all a fairy tale. Real life doesn't happen this way."

"Nick, believe me when I say I didn't expect you either." Kevin's green eyes were dark and pleading, his mouth firm and sure, making Nick want to give him everything even though he couldn't actually do that. "Sure, it's crazy to fall in love like this, but crazier things happen every day."

"Not to me." Nick abandoned the feathers and started rolling a jar of Body Jewelry glitter back and forth, letting it almost go over the edge of the table before catching it and rolling it back.

"Come out to LA with me for a week or two and you'll believe me." Kevin smiled and tugged on Nick's hand as he stepped closer. He placed his free hand on Nick's hip and brushed his fingers over the side strap of Nick's thong, making Nick wish for the first time that he'd put some more clothes on. "In fact, that's a great idea. Come to LA with me for couple of weeks--"

"But I--" Nick started to interrupt, but Kevin kept talking as if he hadn't noticed. He did that a lot when Nick was saying something he didn't want to hear.

"--when you're through here. You deserve a little vacation in between jobs, and wouldn't the premiere of the new movie with Joey Fatone and Reese Witherspoon be a fun first date?"

"A premiere with red carpets, photographers, and a lot of other celebrities? You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. Joey and I go way back so I have to be there for the party or he'll kick my butt. It's on Monday, which is short notice I know, and I was going to fly out on Saturday, but I can change the reservations to Sunday so you can go with me." Kevin smiled, his eyes shining with hope. His fingertips flexed into Nick's hip before dropping away. "Will you at least think about it?"

Nick nodded and looked at the clock on the wall. Time was almost up and it hadn't been nearly long enough.

"Would you be more comfortable if I left for a while?"

Nick thought about that for just a second. "Honestly? Yeah, I think I would."

Kevin stepped away from Nick and shuffled through the mess on the table until he found a scrap of paper and a pencil. He scribbled something down then pressed it firmly into Nick's hand with a slight air of desperation that made Nick uncomfortable. "That's my cell number. Call me when you decide what you want. If I don't hear from you by Saturday morning, I'll go ahead and catch my flight. And then I will come back and try again. Unless you flat out tell me to stop and go away or you'll get a restraining order, I'm not giving up on you so easily."

Nick looked down at the paper and then into Kevin's eyes. "I'll call you tomorrow afternoon. No matter what."

"Thank you, Nick."

Kevin turned to walk out the door, but Nick said, "Wait."

When Kevin turned back around, Nick grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pulled him closer. "I just have to do this," he muttered, then pressed his lips against Kevin's mouth, which opened in surprise. Nick slid his tongue over Kevin's bottom lip and flicked it over his teeth. He tasted the smoky bite of whiskey and the sweetness of hunger as Kevin kissed him back.

Nick made a tiny sound of approval in the back of his throat when Kevin slipped his hands around Nick's waist and gently pressed his fingertips into bare skin. Just as Kevin's hands drifted lower, over the curve of Nick's ass, a loud obviously fake cough sounded from the doorway. Nick cursed against Kevin's mouth and then pulled away and looked over at the intruder.

"Everything's all right in here, I take it?" Chris asked with a big grin.

Nick looked back at Kevin who was staring at him with a weird, intense expression that Nick wasn't sure how to interpret, but he knew he wanted to see it again. Nick licked his lips and blinked when Kevin's eyes tracked the movement of his tongue. He swallowed hard and finally answered Chris. "Yeah, everything's fine."

Kevin removed his hands from Nick's body and Nick felt the loss acutely. He already knew his answer, without bothering to think about it any longer. Not caring that Chris was standing there watching, Nick said, "I'll go. Just let me know when to be at the airport on Sunday."

"I'll pick you up." Kevin grinned wider than Nick had ever seen. "Does this mean I can stay and watch you dance again?"

"Yes, just don't tip me."

Chris snorted and motioned for Nick to get moving. "Good thing you're quitting soon. Your heart's not in it anymore."

"No." Nick smiled at Kevin and started getting ready to go back out on stage. "It never was."

***

There was a fine distinction between being onstage in front of a few dozen people and feeling like he was being watched. The difference was just distracting enough to throw Nick off his game. He kept searching the darkness for Kevin instead of smiling and making eye contact with the people near the stage who could actually be tipping him.

The bachelorette party over on the left side of the stage screamed especially loud when he swung around the pole, snapping him back into his zone. He winked at the women, then ran one hand down his torso letting his fingers graze lightly over his crotch before moving over to the edge of the stage in front of them. When he thrust one hip out so that a couple of women could stick bills into the side of his g-string, another one waved a five to get him closer to her. He smirked and grabbed her hand as it went straight for his dick. He helped her slide the money into his g-string without getting too intimate and then lifted her hand to his mouth, brushing his lips across her knuckles before moving back to the center of the stage.

His last song was almost over so Nick went into his big finish, which involved humping the pole and dropping to his knees and pretending to lick it. He'd gotten really good at making the lick look real while not actually letting his tongue touch the pole. He'd made that mistake on his first day and it had taken an entire bottle of Listerine to make him feel even remotely clean again.

Kneeling on the floor put him in position to get a couple more tips and one of the ladies yelling at him that she wanted a lap dance for her friend. He nodded and held up his hand, fingers spread to indicate he'd be there in five minutes, and left the stage.

The first thing he saw was Kevin standing against a wall, cloaked in shadows so that no one in the audience would notice him yet he could see everything Nick did very clearly. Nick walked closer and cast a glance at Kevin's crotch. Some previously unknown wickedness deep inside him made him offer, "If we were alone and I wasn't working, I'd fall to my knees again and take care of that for you."

Kevin blinked and his lips twitched as he shifted his stance, his long lean legs spreading apart a little to accommodate the obvious erection straining the front of his finely tailored pants. He cleared his throat and said, "I saw how you deflected that woman's hand. That was very skilful. You must have had a lot of practice."

"Sure, I guess. But for some reason the grabbers usually go for the ass instead." He'd stopped wondering why some people seemed so enamored of what he considered one of his worst features, chalked it up to just one more of a million things he'd never understand.

Kevin snorted and tilted his head so that he could see the body part in question. "Yeah, can't imagine why anyone would want to touch something so round and perfect. Why would they want to feel that sleek creamy skin or run their hands over the sexy curves? They must be utter freaks."

Nick was too surprised to laugh at Kevin's teasing tone, and truth be told he was a little turned on, which weirded him out because nobody should get excited over their own ass. But really, it was more Kevin's voice and appreciation that made Nick's stomach clench and his hands sweat. "I have to get back to work. The bride-to-be is getting a lapdance."

"Lucky girl," sighed Kevin wistfully. "Can I buy you a drink or something later?"

Nick nodded and hurried off to the dressing room, wanting so much more and hating that he'd have to wait for a while longer to get it. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Kevin watching him walk away with longing in his eyes, and thought that maybe Kevin hated the waiting too.

 

***

Nick walked out of the club at almost dawn on Sunday morning, a little tipsy, his ears still ringing with the sounds of what Chris had insisted on calling his retirement party. The guys had done it up right with black balloons, champagne, a big cake, and a "gold" watch that JC had bought off a street vendor for five bucks. Nick wore it even though he knew it'd never be more than decoration. It really wasn't all that attractive either, but it was the thought that counted.

Howie came out right behind him and noticed the black limousine waiting at the curb. "Looks like your ride's here, Nicky. I hope you know what you're doing."

Nick looked over his shoulder and shook his head. "I must be out of my fucking mind. And I know he is. He's gonna wake up one of these days and realize--" Nick broke off as strong arms circled his waist.

"What's he going to realize?" Kevin whispered in his ear, warm breath washing over his skin like high tide. Kevin nipped gently at his lobe and nuzzled his face in the crook of Nick's neck.

"Nothing," said Nick with a shiver. When Kevin licked his throat, he could hardly remember his own name, much less whatever internal drama he'd been about to cook up. "Never mind."

"I'll see you when you get back?" Howie asked as he walked by on the way to his car.

"Yeah, I'll give you a call." Nick gave Howie a hasty wave goodbye as Kevin opened the door and pulled him inside the car.

Kevin asked Nick for his address then flipped a small discreet switch. He told the driver where to go then turned the intercom off. Nick settled back into the plush seat, tickled with the novel experience of being able to stretch his legs all the way out in front of him.

"So, you're not a dancer anymore," Kevin said quietly, running his hand lightly over Nick's denim-clad thigh.

"Nope." Nick pushed his shoulders back into the soft cushion and sighed. "Technically, I'm unemployed, I guess."

"Well, only until you get your business set up, right? How are your plans coming along?"

"Pretty good. I'm still waiting to hear back from the bank about a loan, but I'm not too worried. My dad helped me make sure the paperwork was perfect." Nick rolled his head to one side until his neck popped, then he looked at Kevin and decided to get something off his chest. "You heard what I said to Howie, right? I don't get why you're here. With me of all people."

"Nick, you are an amazing person, and one day I'm going to make you believe me. I don't know how yet, but I'm going to." Kevin ran a hand down Nick's chest, soothing and arousing at the same time, just as his low voice calmed and excited him in an inexplicable contradiction. "My place is right on the beach, did I tell you that? The master suite has a fantastic view of the ocean that makes me think of you. Every time the sun hits the water, I remember the blue of your eyes and wish you were there. I've never actually ached for someone before. I mean, I write about it and sing about it, but never..." He shook his head and smiled a little sheepishly. "Anyway, this time it won't have to hurt because I'll have you with me. I'm really glad you're coming with me to California."

Nick swallowed and tried to think of what to say. Kevin was drifting into unfamiliar territory, but then he was a songwriter so he probably didn't think comparing Nick's eyes to the ocean was corny or melodramatic or whatever. Nick had never had a man talk to him like this and it was going to take a little getting used to. He cleared his throat and opened his eyes. Glancing out the dark tinted windows, Nick noticed that the car was approaching his apartment building so he pulled away from Kevin and tried to shake himself out of the drowsy daze he'd fallen into.

"Looks like we're here," Kevin said, when the car came to a silent stop. Opening the door before the driver could do so, he stepped out of the car and looked up at the modest building while Nick clambered gracelessly out behind him.

"What time do we have to be at the airport?" Nick asked, swallowing back a yawn.

"We have at least an hour to kill."

"A whole hour, huh?" Nick asked with a smile, suddenly playful on top of exhausted.

"Yep." Kevin grinned back. "How would you like to spend it?"

"Well," Nick cocked his head to one side and considered Kevin carefully. "I'd really like to see you naked. It's only fair, don't you think?"

"Sure." Kevin nodded. "You can even stuff dollar bills in my shorts if you want to."

"Don't think I won't do it," said Nick sternly then let out a huge yawn before he could remember to cover his mouth. "Sorry. I've been up for about a billion hours straight, it feels like."

"I certainly understand what that's like." Kevin went to tell the driver when to return, and then motioned for Nick to lead him to his apartment.

Nick stumbled once going up the stairs to the second floor, but Kevin's hand on his hip steadied him. Unlocking his door, Nick reached inside and hit the light switch before waving Kevin inside.

"Hey, this is nice," said Kevin, looking around the living room curiously before homing in on a large seascape watercolor over the couch.

"You're surprised I don't live in squalor?" Nick asked as he walked down the short hall to his bedroom to get his suitcase. He brought it out and set it down by the door.

"Not at all. I just meant that it looks nice. You have a good eye for color and balance. Unless you had a professional decorator?"

"No, I didn't have a decorator," Nick said, inwardly scoffing at the very idea.

"This is particularly beautiful." Kevin stared at the painting again, tilting his head first one way and then the other, as if he was in an art gallery instead of Nick's living room.

"A friend of mine from school did it. He does sketches of tourists on the beach to make a living, but his paintings are where his heart is." Nick sank down into an overstuffed armchair and kicked off his sneakers without untying them. He propped his tired feet up on the matching ottoman.

Kevin moved over to the coffee table and his eyes narrowed as he glanced down at the sketchpad and loose pages scattered across the surface. "You did these?"

"Hmm mm." Relaxation poured slowly through Nick's limbs, making his head feel heavy on his neck. His eyes slipped closed, and when Kevin said something else about the sketches, Nick couldn't make sense of the words.

The next thing Nick knew, Kevin was shaking him awake with a gentle hand on his shoulder. Nick blinked blearily up at him and Kevin smiled apologetically. "The driver'll be back in just a little while, so if you want to take a shower or anything..."

Nick yawned and shook his head. "I grabbed a quick one at the club. But I do need to take a leak and try to wake up a little."

"You can go back to sleep once we're on the plane. It'll be a long flight anyway."

"There's some stuff left in the fridge if you want something to drink." Nick went to the bathroom and when he came out, Kevin leaned against the counter with two glasses of orange juice. He took the proffered glass with a nod of thanks. Taking a long gulp, he watched over the rim of his glass as Kevin took a little sip of his juice and licked his lips clean.

 

"I see you got the CDs I sent for your birthday," Kevin said, motioning toward the bookshelf where a stack of CDs teetered on top of the small stereo. Kevin must have had a look around while Nick was sleeping, and Nick tried to figure out how he felt about that. After a moment, he decided that he didn't mind if Kevin went through his CDs or his books or much of anything else.

"Oh yeah, sorry I forgot to mention it. Thanks."

"You're welcome, but I still wish you had let me send a real gift." Kevin set his glass on the counter and took extreme care to line it up with the edge as he offhandedly asked, "So what did you think?"

"They were good. It's still not my style of music, but I like your voice. It's pretty sexy."

"Thanks," Kevin laughed.

"The AJ McLean ones were really unexpected. If they hadn't been personally autographed with my name on them, my sisters would have stolen them. They're big fans of his and yours too. They went mental when they found out I know you. I told them I met you at a club." Nick shrugged and drained his juice, clenching his fingers too tightly on the glass. "They don't know what I do--used to do."

Apparently reading Nick's unwillingness to go further down that road, Kevin nodded and latched onto something safer. "The McLean CDs were actually a last minute addition. I had just started to pack up the other CDs to send to the club for you when AJ just happened to drop by my place. As soon as he found out what I was doing, he had the label send over copies of all his CDs and then he sat down at my kitchen table and signed them all."

"Tell him thanks."

"I'll introduce y'all and you can tell him yourself."

"Oh no, you don't have to do that--"

"It's no trouble. He'll probably be at Brian's release party anyway. And you have to meet my cousin. He's heard so much about you that he'd be terribly hurt if you came all the way to California and then didn't come to his party."

"He's heard a lot about me?" Nick repeated uncomfortably. "What have you been telling people?"

Kevin's gaze softened and he smiled. "Just that I met this wonderful guy that I really care about and that I was hoping to bring him home with me."

Nick nodded and didn't say anything. Kevin's determination was going to take some getting used to. Nick had never been pursued before. He just hooked up with random guys and occasionally fell into relationships that stayed shallow and never lasted very long. But he'd always wanted something solid, something that would last forever. Kevin was possibly exactly what he wanted, but Nick still worried that he was making a mistake. The distance, the differences in their lives, the fact that Kevin could certainly do better...it was all so much to overcome.

A knock at the door interrupted the silence that was starting to grow uncomfortable. Kevin put his glass in the sink and said, "That'll be the driver. You ready?"

"No," said Nick, setting his glass next to the other. "Let's go."

Kevin put out his hand but stopped short of touching Nick. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm..." Nick sighed. "I'm just tired."

Kevin curled his fingers around Nick's shoulder briefly then went to open the door. Nick took one last glance around his apartment and then followed after Kevin. He had a feeling he'd be doing that a lot in the next couple of weeks, but it might be best if neither of them got used to it.

***

It was raining when the plane landed in LA, but by the time the hired car neared Kevin's house, the sun was shining brightly enough that Nick wished he'd gotten his sunglasses out of his backpack before tossing it in the trunk. He squinted out the window at the tree and gate lined streets they were driving on. Most of the houses were barely visible and he didn't recognize half the names of people that Kevin told him lived in them. When he mentioned that fact, Kevin just shrugged and said, "Industry people. They're not all that interesting anyway."

When the car finally pulled into a driveway, Kevin leaned across Nick and reached out the open window to punch in a security code to unlock the gate. He sat back and held Nick's hand as the car drove up to the front of a large two-story Spanish style house that would not have been out of place in south Florida.

In fact, Nick was having a hard time believing that he was thousands of miles from home because standing in Kevin's front yard with the sun beating down on his head felt eerily familiar. With all the flowers blooming, it was also hard to believe that it was snowy and cold in the rest of the country. He decided that if he had to fall for someone from far away, he was glad that someone was from some place warm.

Nick heard Kevin call his name and turned around to find him standing in the open door of the house, staring open-mouthed at Nick. Kevin closed his mouth and then grinned. "I just realized that I've never seen you in natural sunlight before. It's always been dark or under the lights of the club. You kind of glow." He cleared his throat and motioned to the open door. "So, are you coming in or you want to hang out here for a while?"

"I'm coming," Nick said, noticing that Kevin had already taken his bags inside. He walked up the steps and into the house, stopping just inside to grin at Kevin. "Have I said thank you yet?"

"You are more than welcome." Kevin wrapped his arms around Nick's middle and kissed him, starting sweet and slowly deepening until they were pressed tightly together, barely even breathing. Nick stroked Kevin's back and shoulders, slipping his hands under Kevin's shirt to get better acquainted with his body. He luxuriated in the feel of taut muscle moving sleekly under smooth skin as Kevin's tongue licked gently at his. The long awaited kisses barely quenched Nick's thirst for more, more of this unbelievable heat and the pleasure that swirled through him huge and grand and definitely worth the wait.

Reluctant to let go of Kevin's mouth but anxious to get things back on familiar ground, Nick pulled back and said, "So you ready to fuck now?"

Kevin's eyes widened and his mouth quirked at one corner, neither quite smiling nor smirking but something in between. "I thought I'd show you around the house first, get settled in. Maybe order in some dinner since neither of us ate on the plane. But hey, if you want to go at it right here, I'm okay with that."

Nick adjusted the front of his jeans and met Kevin's gaze without a trace of shame. "I can wait until we get to your bedroom."

Kevin stepped away but instead of turning toward the stairs, he swept a hand out in a classic tour guide pose. "This is the entrance hall. Nothing much to see here, of course, but through these doors here..." He threw open a set of french doors opposite the front door to reveal an inner courtyard with a swimming pool in the center. He stepped out onto the stone walkway and said, "Hey, we're outside again."

Nick shook his head and followed along as Kevin showed him several rooms on the first floor, which basically made a big square around the courtyard. Kevin pointed out the telephones in the kitchen and office with an open invitation to call anyone back home that he needed to, and Nick made a mental note to call Howie and his dad sometime soon, just to let them know where to get a hold of him in case of an emergency. Not that he expected anything to happen in the brief time he'd be out here, but somebody from the bank or the boat dealer might need to talk to him. His business would not be shoved aside just because he was on vacation, no matter how much fun he had with Kevin.

When they'd circled back to the front of the house, Kevin picked up Nick's suitcase and said, "No. I'll come back for the rest later," when Nick reached for the other bags. He took Nick's hand and led him up the stairs.

The bedroom was huge, clad in shades of sand and white with yellow accents that caught the sun coming through the thin shimmery curtains and gave the room a warm glow. Nick walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed, bouncing on the mattress a couple of times. He licked his lips as he looked up at Kevin who watched him from the doorway with an amused expression. "This is nice, but I believe you owe me something."

"Hmm?" Kevin crooked an eyebrow and assumed a thoughtful air. "And what might that be?"

Trying not to laugh, Nick reached into his back pocket for his wallet and pulled out a couple of dollar bills. He waved them in the air and said, "Look familiar?"

"Hey, I was always good for more than a buck." Kevin kicked off his shoes and pulled his socks off with his toes, which Nick found strangely sexy. He slid his shirt off slowly as he walked closer, his naked chest gleaming in the light. He rocked his hips as he unbuttoned his pants and said musingly, "This might have been easier with music, but not by much."

Nick had to swallow before he spoke for fear of drooling. Kevin's gorgeous musician hands were taking their sweet time at peeling those khakis down his slim hips, revealing snug black boxerbriefs. "You're doing fine so far."

As he kicked off his pants, Kevin ducked his head and looked up from under his eyebrows. Nick winked and tucked the bills into the waistband of his shorts, letting his fingers linger on Kevin's belly much longer than necessary. With a whispered, "ah, fuck it," Nick pulled the boxers all the way down, ignoring the money that fluttered to the floor as he looked at Kevin's cock, already growing hard for him. He looked back up into Kevin's eyes and put his hands on Kevin's hips. He wanted to say something clever as he pulled Kevin close, something romantic or profound or just plain sexy but the only words that came to mind were 'want' and 'now' and 'fuckmeplease' so he said nothing.

"Wait, just let me..." Kevin's voice trailed off as he leaned over and bit Nick's left nipple through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. Nick tangled his hands in Kevin's hair and tugged his mouth up for a kiss. When Kevin's long, elegant fingers walked down his belly, Nick giggled but it quickly died as they reached the fly of his jeans. "Pull your shirt up," Kevin murmured as he knelt on the thick carpet between Nick's spread legs.

Nick pulled his t-shirt up a few inches and was rewarded with Kevin's tongue tracing nonsense patterns over his belly as he opened Nick's jeans. Nick raised his hips so that Kevin could work his jeans and underwear down to his ankles, and he wondered why they'd waited so long. He could have asked Kevin to meet him some night after work months ago, but then Kevin had never suggested it either. He'd stuck to the rules with only the tiny deviation of getting Nick's number so he could call whenever he was out of town for awhile. The calls started out as quick, awkward chats spaced a month or so apart, but eventually became two and three hour conversations a couple times a week that left Nick astonished sometimes at how much he had to say since he'd never been all that good with words. At this particular moment, he couldn't have formed a coherent sentence if his life depended on it.

The air inside the room was pleasantly cool, but Nick was heating up from the inside out as Kevin's fingers danced lightly over his hips and pelvis, coming close to but never actually touching his erection. Kevin swiped his tongue across the smooth skin just to the side of Nick's cock and murmured, "You really do wax everything, don't you? I should have known, but still...it's kinda weird and sexy and disturbing."

Nick made an inarticulate sound to show he was listening but offering no comment on what was simply a necessary trick of his former trade instead of a personal preference. He was too preoccupied with the slide of Kevin's tongue and the drift of warm breath over his sensitive skin.

His mind spinning with need and confusion over how something so slow and teasing could be happening so fast, Nick arched his hips as much as he could within Kevin's restrictive grasp. His body felt suddenly too big for his skin to hold, his insides stretched tight with tension. He forced two words past his lips as his head fell forward onto his chest. "Kevin, please."

Kevin looked up at Nick with twinkling eyes and a tiny smile playing about his wet lips. He flicked his tongue along the underside of Nick's cock and smiled wider when Nick nodded enthusiastically. "Nick." That's all he said before sliding his mouth over the end of Nick's cock and sucking it in greedily until the head hit the back of his throat.

And ohhhhh...tight and hot and wet, soothing, almost relief but not quite, Nick sighed as Kevin's mouth devoured his aching cock, lapping up the drops of precome that beaded in the slit and then firmly sucking on the tip before swallowing the length again. He varied what he was doing just enough so that Nick never knew exactly what was next, and finally his climax hit him completely by surprise, washing over him in an icy hot blast that was over way too soon as he came down Kevin's throat and slumped back on the bed.

Kevin swallowed every drop and licked him clean, then finished removing Nick's clothes. He climbed up on the bed and gathered Nick's pliant body into his arms pressing skin to skin from chest to knees. Nick felt heavy and slow and tongue-tied but Kevin didn't seem to be in a hurry for him to be anything else. He just stroked Nick's back and pressed little kisses to the side of his face, but Nick could feel Kevin's erection pressing against his hip and knew he had to be really frustrated by now.

Nick turned his head and caught Kevin's mouth with his own, kissing him deeply before whispering, "What do you want more than anything else?"

Kevin nipped at Nick's lower lip, catching it between his teeth briefly. "World peace." He ran his hands over Nick's ass, squeezing gently. "Clean air and water." He slid his thigh in between Nick's and rubbed against his balls, sending shudders up Nick's spine. "No more--"

Nick cut him off with a hard kiss and then said, "From me, you goofball. What do you want from me right this minute?"

Kevin looked into his eyes for so long that Nick started to squirm under the intensity of his gaze. Kevin seemed to notice and he smiled and blinked to break the tension. "I want so much that I don't know where to start. Can I..." His hands tightened on Nick's ass and his breath seemed to catch in his throat. "I wanna fuck you. I haven't...in a long time."

"You weren't waiting for me, were you?" Nick asked, not really believing it was possible. Kevin shrugged slightly and didn't answer. He turned Nick loose and rolled over onto his back.

Nick sat up and looked down at Kevin, his usually vibrant eyes dark with need, his long beautiful body spread out like a feast. Kevin had waited for him, for all these months. Unbelievable. Nick hadn't waited. He didn't have that kind of faith in people, didn't have that kind of belief in himself to attract someone like Kevin for real and not just on stage.

"That's amazing. You." Nick spoke so low it was almost a whisper. The atmosphere didn't seem right for normal conversation. "I only believe this is really happening because I'm here. I won't say it's like a dream because I never dreamed like this. But it's kinda bizarre, you know?"

"I know," said Kevin with a nod.

Nick leaned down and kissed Kevin with his eyes wide open. And then he touched him. Whispering "shh, just let me," he touched every part of Kevin that he could reach, stroking and licking until he was hard again and Kevin was writhing beneath his hands and clutching at his shoulders. He stopped for a moment, petting Kevin's chest softly. "You got stuff in the nightstand?"

Kevin nodded and Nick reached over to rummage in the top drawer. Pulling out a condom and a tube of lube, he held them up and said, "Wanna take over now?"

"You're doing fine so far," said Kevin with a smile.

Nick tipped his head in acknowledgement of his own words coming back to him, then ripped the wrapper open and rolled the condom onto Kevin's cock. He placed the tube in Kevin's hand and said, "This feels much better when someone else does it."

Lying on his back, Nick spread his legs wide and lifted his ass off the bed so that Kevin could prepare him. Those long slim fingers felt heavenly working slowly into him, making him even more eager to feel Kevin's cock next. When Kevin would have worked three fingers in, Nick grabbed his wrist and said, "That's enough. I want you now."

"You sure? You're awfully tight." Kevin's eyes shone with concern, but all Nick cared about was getting fucked and he didn't have time for any more tenderness. He bucked his hips hard, driving Kevin's fingers deeper into him. Kevin closed his eyes and swallowed so hard his adam's apple bobbed wildly. "Okay, I guess you're sure."

Nick released Kevin's wrist and relaxed onto the bed. He let out a sigh of relief when Kevin moved over him and positioned the head of his cock at the entrance of Nick's body. He nodded and then Kevin was pushing slowly into him. Too slow for Nick so he grabbed Kevin's hips and arched his own. And then Kevin was in, deep and hard and suddenly seeming much bigger than before. The slight burn of being stretched so wide gave way to a different, more pleasurable kind of heat.

Nick's hands slipped on Kevin's sweaty skin and he dug his fingers in for traction, not caring if he left bruises as he thrust up harder and harder, needing Kevin so deep he'd always feel him, no matter how far apart they were in the future.

The combined sound of his own raspy breathing and Kevin's rumbly little subvocalized moans filled Nick's ears so completely that Kevin's sharp cry came as a shock as his entire body went rigid for a long moment and then relaxed again. He held himself still as Kevin pulled out and then groaned loudly as Kevin took his aching cock in hand and stroked him to another orgasm. This one a little less explosive than the last, a little more relaxing. He felt blissfully boneless and not inclined to move from this spot any time soon.

Kevin lay quietly, his head resting on Nick's shoulder as he dragged his fingertips through the come on Nick's belly. He flattened his hand and circled Nick's belly button and swept up his ribs, just firm enough not to tickle. Nick made a little sound of approval in the back of his throat, which was about all the communication he was up to at the moment.

"Worth the wait," said Kevin, his voice a tentative murmur, almost as if he were asking a question.

"Hmmm mmm." Nick hummed and rubbed his face against Kevin's hair. The damp strands stuck to his skin and smelled like no particular scent that he could detect. "Worth the trip."

Nick could feel Kevin's smile against his shoulder, but all he said was, "You gettin' hungry?"

"I could eat." In a predictable fashion, his stomach picked that moment to grumble loudly.

 

***

 

"Beer okay?" Kevin opened the refrigerator door and took out a couple of bottles.

"No, thanks. I don't like it." Nick continued removing Chinese takeout boxes from their paper sack. "Whatever else you've got is fine."

Kevin looked over at him, surprised. "Oh? You quit drinking?"

"No, I just don't like the taste of beer." Nick shrugged and laid the chopsticks over by Kevin's place. He found a plastic fork in the bottom of the bag and dug into a box of noodles. He knew he should wait for Kevin, but he hadn't really eaten since the party at the club last night.

Kevin put back both of the bottles and brought out a bottle of wine instead. As he took glasses from a cabinet, he said, "It's kind of strange the things we don't know about each other. Just these little things that pop up out of nowhere, things a lover should know."

"If you ask me what my favorite color is, I'm taking my dinner out on the patio and ignoring you."

"Duly noted," Kevin said wryly. "But there are other things, like the fact that your family doesn't know what you do--"

"_Did_."

"--did for a living for over a year and a half. How did you manage that? What do they think you've been doing all this time?"

"My dad may have his suspicions since he's familiar with my finances, but they think I was a bouncer at a regular night club." Nick shrugged off the biggest lie he'd ever told. "They live down in Marathon so it's not like we see each other every day or anything."

"Ah. So that's where you told them you met me?"

"Sure. It's a real popular imaginary club." Nick grinned briefly before stuffing more noodles in his mouth. He chewed enthusiastically as he watched Kevin eat, separating the vegetables from the meat for each neat little bite.

After a minute or so, Kevin took a sip of his wine and tilted his head like he was considering something important. Nick braced himself for another prying question, but all Kevin said was, "This is delicious, but just a little different from last time. I think they've got a new chef, one who has a lighter hand with the ginger."

Nick breathed a sigh of relief and nodded. He took a drink of his wine and wondered how expensive it was. He tried to enjoy it even more than he usually would, just so it wouldn't be wasted on him. And that reminded him of something he'd meant to ask before they'd left Florida. "So this premiere tomorrow, is it one of those fancy things where everybody dresses up in designer clothes? Because you might have noticed that I'm more of a PacSun kinda guy. I don't have a suit or anything. Best I can do is Gap khakis."

"Nah, it's not a formal occasion. Some people make a big deal, but some don't. Out here it's all about the attitude anyway. If you look good you can wear just about anything you want." Kevin shrugged and topped off their glasses. "We can go shopping tomorrow morning if you want. On me."

"No. I won't let you do that." Nick finished off his dinner before saying anything else. He sat back in his chair and watched Kevin eat for a moment. "That's not why I came out here."

"I know." Kevin looked back at him, his expression unreadable. "I almost wish it was."

Nick blinked and waited for an explanation. Kevin shrugged again, folding a paper napkin precisely into a perfectly even square. "We'd both know where we stand with each other then. You see? We're feeling our way around here and if you were just a rent boy and I was just this...uh, sugar daddy--"

Nick interrupted to ask, "Is this some kinky sexual fantasy? Or are you for real?"

"Neither exactly. I'm just thinking out loud."

"You think some weird shit sometimes." Nick smiled to take the sting out of his words. "Kevin, I'm only here for a couple of weeks. Take it for what it is and we'll both end up a lot happier."

"Is that what you're doing?"

"Well, yeah. I'm just--" Nick broke off and gathered up the empty cartons on the table and stacked them up. He glanced around the kitchen, but couldn't begin to imagine behind which door the trash can would be kept. "Look, I'm just visiting your life out here, and then I'll be going home. There's nothing to figure out."

Kevin gave Nick that piercing stare that felt like an x-ray and said, "Have you forgotten what I said to you a few days ago?"

Nick almost laughed, but it wasn't really funny. How could he have possibly forgotten that Kevin had said that he was falling in love with Nick? Something as earth-shaking and unexpected as that wouldn't just slip his mind. He still had trouble believing it, and he'd pretty much avoided the subject as much as he could up until now. The truth wasn't going to set him free, was in fact probably going to complicate things even more. He'd hoped he could avoid saying it indefinitely and maybe Kevin would forget about it. But he couldn't avoid the unspoken demand in Kevin's eyes this time. "I remember. You said you were falling in love with me."

Kevin nodded and explained, "I was breaking it to you gently. Actually, it's a done deal."

A giddy little thrill shot through Nick, dragging confusion and something that seemed an awful lot like defeat behind. He opened his mouth to tell Kevin how he felt, how he'd been feeling for a long time now, but the words just wouldn't come. He knew the minute he said the word 'love', this thing with Kevin would take on a whole new dimension, a big scary out-of-Nick's-iron-fisted-control dimension at that. "That's...uh, that's really...nice to hear."

Kevin stared at him blankly for a minute and then threw up his hands. "Okay, fine. If that's the way it's gotta be. Let's go take a walk down to the beach."

Words of apology leaped to Nick's tongue but he kept his mouth tightly closed. Kevin wasn't giving up on him and that'd be enough for now.

 

***

The next morning, Nick woke up hot and thirsty. He peeled Kevin off of him and pushed the covers back, immediately breathing easier and feeling much cooler. He lay there for a moment and watched Kevin to see if he'd woken up, but he remained dead to the world so Nick carefully climbed out of bed. He pulled on a pair of boxers and, after a quick trip to the bathroom, wandered down to the kitchen for a drink.

Stumbling to a halt in the doorway, Nick came face to face with a strange middle-aged woman and felt a blush start somewhere around the big hickey that Kevin had left on his chest and flow up to his hairline in a fraction of a second. The woman grinned and said, "Good morning."

"Umm, yeah...I'm sorry...excuse me," Nick said, turning and walking away as quickly as he could without breaking into a run.

When he reached the bedroom, he locked the door behind him. He climbed onto the bed and straddled Kevin, shaking his shoulders none too gently. "Kevin, Kevin, wake up. There's a woman in your kitchen, and you gotta...please, please tell me that she's not your mom, Kevin. Kevin!"

Kevin's eyes open slowly and he yawned as he focused on Nick. "What? Nick? Whassa matter?"

Nick took a deep breath and forced himself to speak more slowly. "There's a woman downstairs, in the house. Please tell me she's not your mom or something, because I just went down there in nothing but my underwear."

Kevin snickered and let his head fall back onto the pillow. "She's not my mom, she's my housekeeper."

Nick relaxed a little and sat back on Kevin's legs. "Oh. I just wanted some orange juice."

"Well, get off me and we'll go get some together." Kevin smiled and kissed Nick on the cheek as they both got out of bed.

"I'm getting dressed first," Nick said, heading for the suitcase that he hadn't bothered to unpack the night before.

"Your sudden modesty is very amusing." Kevin went into the bathroom and left the door open so he could continue laughing at Nick. "And sort of ironic considering how many people have seen you in much less than what you're wearing right now."

"It's not the same thing as dancing, and I don't do that anymore anyway," said Nick, frowning as he pulled a t-shirt over his head. He wondered if this was really a serious issue. He wondered if maybe Kevin thought less of him because of the way they met, and whether it mattered much to him.

"I know, I'm just playin'," Kevin said, as he came back into the bedroom and put on boxerbriefs and a pair of sweatpants. "Jane's real nice. She hasn't bitten anyone yet."

"Jane, huh? That's my mother's name too." Nick rifled through his bag to get to the jeans on the bottom.

"Hmm." Kevin sat down on the padded bench at the end of the bed. "You know, that's the first time you've ever mentioned your mother to me. You talk about your dad and your sisters, but I was beginning to think she'd passed away or--"

"No, she's alive and well as far as I know." Nick shrugged and sat next to Kevin to put on his socks and shoes. When he was done, he stared at the toes of his sneakers. "She spends most of her time up in Orlando with my brother. Taking him to auditions. He's been in a couple stage shows at Disney World and tried out for a pilot at Nickelodeon. That kind of thing."

"You've never mentioned having a brother either," Kevin said evenly. "I know you're the oldest, so is he younger than the girls or somewhere in the middle?"

"He's Angel's twin. He's a good kid, I guess. I haven't gotten to see him much in the last few years." Nick took a deep breath and tried to ignore the pain just thinking about Aaron always brought. "Not since I came out. My mother thought I might be a bad influence. I guess one gay son was one too many and she didn't want to risk having another."

"Awww, Nick." Kevin wrapped an arm around Nick's shoulders and pulled him closer. "I'm sorry."

Nick appreciated Kevin's brevity and found more comfort in the hug than he would have expected had he ever given it much thought. As surprises go, it was a vast improvement over the last one he'd gotten.

Instead of asking a bunch of questions, Kevin gave Nick one last squeeze and stood up. "Come on, let's go find some breakfast."

Nick looked at Kevin's naked torso and swallowed. "Aren't you going to put on a shirt?"

Kevin laughed, slung an arm around Nick's neck, and dragged him to the door. Nick enjoyed the feel of Kevin's hard bicep pressing against the side of his throat too much to complain when Kevin laughed even harder at discovering the door was locked.

***

Their arrival at the premiere passed in a haze of flashbulbs and questions shouted in Kevin's general direction. He answered them all politely without getting at all personal, and Nick just tried to stay out of the way and attract as little attention as possible. He also tried not to appear too starstruck but when Sir Ian McKellen walked right by him in the theater, he grabbed Kevin's arm and whispered, "Oh my God. That was really him, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it really was." Kevin patted his hand and continued on to their seats. Nick looked back over his shoulder and accidentally made eye contact with Hayden Christensen. He let go of Kevin and quickly turned back around, trying not to be impressed that the guy was even sexier in real life than on a movie screen. But he was a little impressed anyway, because...Anakin Skywalker smiled at him. His inner fanboy was squealing while his inner big brother was planning on ways to rub it in his sister's face. Leslie was an even bigger Star Wars fan than he was.

Once the lights went down and the movie started, Nick was able to forget where he was for two hours and just enjoy the movie. And he was glad because at the party afterwards, he could truthfully tell Joey that he enjoyed it very much.

"Thanks. I have to admit, I was a little nervous with this one because I haven't done as much drama," Joey said with a relieved grin that lit up the room. He grinned even bigger when a woman with chin length curly hair walked up and slipped her arm around his waist. "Oh hey, Nick, was it? This is Kelly, my girlfriend. Kelly, this is Nick. He's Kevin's new...friend." He raised his eyebrows. "From _Florida_."

Kelly's polite smile became about fifty degrees warmer as she shook Nick's hand. "Oh, it's great to finally meet you, Nick. Kevin has told us so--" She glanced over Nick's shoulder as Joey nudged her lightly in the ribs. "--so hasn't the weather been beautiful this week?"

Nick was taken aback by the sudden subject change, but didn't have a chance to comment because Kevin was gliding up beside him, handing him a drink and giving Kelly a kiss on the cheek. "Kelly, darlin', you look lovely, but where's my favorite girl?"

"You know I'm not bringing a toddler to one of these shindigs. I deserve a night out sometimes too, right?"

"You certainly do, and you should enjoy it to the fullest. Would you like to dance?" Kevin looked over at Nick. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Shouldn't you be asking Joey that?" Nick said, still rather bemused and not sure why.

Kevin stared at him from under furrowed brows, his mouth quirked up at one corner. "I'm asking you."

"No, I don't mind. Have fun." Nick gave Kevin and Kelly a little wave as they walked off toward the dance floor then turned to Joey. "Okay, what was that about? What did Kevin tell y'all about me?"

"Nothing much, just you know... Oh hey, there's Reese. Have you met Reese yet? You should meet Reese." Joey stopped babbling and waved over one of his costars from the movie.

Nick was so busy thinking about Kevin that he forgot to be nervous about meeting another celebrity. He answered when spoken to, but didn't contribute a whole lot to the chit-chat. He sipped his drink and watched the people around him making small talk and schmoozing it up with each other. Joey seemed like a great guy but Nick wondered if he was being so nice because of Kevin or because Nick didn't want anything from him. Maybe he was just genuinely friendly and Nick should stop being so suspicious.

By the time Kevin and Kelly came back, Joey and Reese had been pulled off in opposite directions, leaving Nick alone with a very thin, very blonde woman possibly old enough to be his grandmother, but with the amount of plastic surgery she'd had it was hard to tell. She was giving him a very predatory smile, and asking him slyly personal questions. Nick tried to politely back away while not really answering any of them, but she had a firm grip on his arm. Kevin moved in to stand right next to Nick, well inside his personal space, and put one hand on his arm, right where the woman's hand had been until she got a look at his face. Kelly smiled coolly at the woman and drew her away to stalk someone else.

"Nice." Nick grinned, as amused as he was relieved. "Y'all practice that maneuver?"

"I'm surprised you haven't picked up the same skill for dealing with unwanted attention in polite company as you did for customers," said Kevin, not smiling back. He rubbed at the corner of his mouth with his thumb and his eyes gave nothing away.

"Sorry if I'm not up to your standards when I've got clothes on," Nick said coldly, then immediately thought that he probably shouldn't have said that out loud, but Kevin was starting to piss him off with these little hints of some big issue between them. If Nick's former occupation was such a problem, maybe Kevin should stop pushing so hard for some kind of big confession of love. "Maybe if she'd've had a five in her hand, I'd've handled it better."

"Nick, you are always 'up to my standards' as you put it. I wasn't criticizing, and I really wasn't trying to pick a fight." Kevin frowned at the woman and then shifted his gaze back to Nick. When he spoke, his voice was so low that nobody but Nick would be able to hear him. "I might be feeling a little jealous that she was touching you in a way that I can't. I saw you standing over here with this wall behind you and all I could think of was pushing you up against it and messing you up. You look too good, too neat and pretty. I couldn't help but wonder what you'd look like with your mouth all chewed up and the buttons missing off your shirt, your hair all rumpled--"

Nick shivered and the mental picture of himself as Kevin painted it morphed into Kevin. He imagined Kevin with his eyes nearly black with need, panting and trembling as Nick pushed against him and-- It was all too much. Nick licked his lips and focused on Kevin's chest as he asked, "Can we go now?" in a quiet, shaky voice.

"Fuck, yeah," Kevin muttered, and started off through the ballroom. Nick followed at a respectable distance and pace, instead of grabbing Kevin's hand and running as fast as he could. Kevin led him to a hallway with considerably fewer people milling around, and then through a door into another hallway that was completely empty. Looking around carefully, Kevin took Nick's hand and tried the first door they came to, but it was locked as was the second and the third, but the fourth opened into a large empty room with plastic covering the carpet and walls that looked to be in the process of being painted and papered.

Kevin closed the door and looked down at the knob, then up at Nick. "There's no lock, so I guess we'll just have to be really quiet."

"Uhh," was all Nick got out before Kevin pushed him up against the wall and latched onto his open mouth, pushing his tongue inside as he started pulling the bottom of Nick's shirt out of his pants. When Kevin got a few buttons open and his hands on Nick's bare skin, Nick shook himself out of his daze and shoved Kevin's jacket off his shoulders.

Kevin released Nick's mouth with a parting nip at his lower lip and started kissing his way down Nick's neck, his hips rocking against Nick's so that their erections rubbed together through their clothes with almost enough friction, but not quite. His hands roamed all over the place, first cupping Nick's face tenderly and raking through his hair, then squeezing his shoulders and sliding down his arms. In between nibbles on Nick's throat and sharper bites on his collar bones, Kevin whispered, "Mine" and "Nick" and "need you" and "be mine," over and over.

All Nick could do was hold on, and the term pulse-pounding excitement suddenly made vivid sense to him in a way it never had before. He'd never wanted anyone the way he wanted Kevin, and he'd certainly never wanted anyone to want him the way Kevin did. It was scary but hot and weirdly fulfilling, like he'd just been waiting for it all this time and hadn't known. Now that he did, he just had to figure out how to live with it. But in the meantime, Kevin was doing wicked things with his tongue, hands, and hips, and Nick's whole body was caught up in the rolling, sizzling sensations. He hovered just on the edge of coming for what seemed like an eternity and then he did and it was fast and quiet, even though he wanted to scream Kevin's name from the rooftops for making him feel this intensely good.

Kevin wrapped his arms around Nick's waist and rocked against him faster, sliding and thrusting until he came a minute or so later, whimpering in Nick's ear as his body stiffened and his head fell forward onto Nick's shoulder.

Nick let the wall at his back hold up both his and Kevin's weight until Kevin straightened up and moved back a step. Kevin cleared his throat and looked at Nick with evident concern. "Are you all right?"

"Mmm," was all Nick could manage, as his eyes slipped shut without his permission.

"It's just...you haven't said a word this whole time."

"Couldn't," said Nick, prying his eyes open. Kevin's mouth was drawn into a thin line and something that looked like fear lurked in his eyes. "Too busy being hit by a train. And it was _great_." Nick smiled and quirked an eyebrow, trying to get Kevin out of whatever weird headspace he'd gotten into.

Kevin sighed and then smiled back. Picking up his jacket and putting it back on, he plucked at the front of his pants and said, "I haven't done this since I was a teenager, and now I know why. It's not real comfortable."

"Yeah, I don't make a habit of coming in my pants either." Nick tried to ignore the cooling stickiness in his shorts as he buttoned his shirt and arranged the tails in front of his crotch. "It's not too obvious is it?"

Kevin buttoned his jacket and shook his head. "As long as nobody gets close enough to smell either of us, we should be able to get to the car."

As they found the least populated path out of the building, Kevin said, "So what did you think of the party?"

"It was fun." After a thoughtful pause, Nick added, "You're funner though."

Kevin smiled slyly all the way to the car.

 

***

Nick waited a couple more days, until Kevin went to the gym for a session with his personal trainer, to call home. After making sure the housekeeper was off doing something in another part of the house, he went into the office and shut the door. He sat down at the desk and picked up the phone. He'd calculated the time difference with Howie's usual schedule and figured he'd be able to catch him at home. Sure enough, he picked up after only a couple of rings.

"Nick! I'm so glad you called." The relief in Howie's voice was warm and welcome. "I was starting to worry that he had you locked up in his basement or sold you on some bizarre celebrity slave market."

Nick giggled. "No, no, nothing like that. Just been kinda busy. We went to a movie premiere and--"

"Hey yeah, I saw you on Entertainment Tonight."

Nick groaned and dropped his head against the back of the tall desk chair. "You're kidding right? You didn't see me, just Kevin."

"Nope, you were there too."

"Oh great. Did I look like a complete idiot? I did, didn't I?"

"No, as far as I could tell in ten seconds, you looked fine. Kinda bored except for when you looked at Kevin."

Nick covered his face with his hand and sighed. "Do I want to know how that was?"

Howie hummed for a moment and then said, "Probably not." His grin was evident in his voice. "So what was Joey Fatone like? Is he even hotter in person?"

"Yeah, he's okay, mostly just a regular guy. I like his girlfriend. She took me to lunch and sightseeing yesterday while Joey and Kevin were both off doing business stuff. I think Kevin's in some kind of fight with his record company. He talks to his lawyers a lot." Nick resisted the temptation to go snooping through the desk drawers, but he did flip through a folder labeled "JWR" while he told Howie all about the places that Kelly had taken him the day before. None of the papers were very interesting since he didn't know what they were talking about besides some sort of educational plan, so he closed the folder and put it right back on the corner of the desk where he found it. "The Getty is amazing, Howie. We gotta come back out here some time."

"We? You mean me and you?"

"Sure. Only you know what? We should come when it's warmer so I can go surfing. I might even get you out there." Nick laughed and sang a couple lines from an old Beach Boys song about catching a wave.

"Sure, Nicky, we could do that. Sounds like a lot of fun." Howie laughed and didn't say anything for a long moment, so Nick started flipping through the desk calendar. "How're things going with Kevin?"

"Okay, I guess." Nick frowned and stared at the page he'd just turned to. It read "Nick" and "Freedom" in big block letters and the words had been underlined several times with thick black lines. The date was his last day at the club. He shook his head, and flipped back to the current date. He propped his chin in his hand and asked, "How're things at the club?"

"It's weird without you, but I guess everything's moving along. Lance has turned out to be quite popular. Not as popular as JC, of course, but some of your old regulars have really taken to him."

"Good," said Nick and meant it. "You getting any play?"

Howie sputtered and laughed and said "What?" in a surprised squawk.

"I ain't blind, you know. I saw the way you were watching the Bass ass. You got yourself a piece of that yet?"

Howie cleared his throat and Nick could almost hear the blush through the phone lines. "Yeah, actually...we've been seeing each other since the morning you left."

"Sweet. Is he good?"

"No. He's fantastic. Now tell me about Kevin. I noticed how you changed the subject, but I've known you too long to let you get away with it."

"Kevin is Kevin. I don't know, Howie. The sex is exactly as great as you've imagined. Don't bother to deny it." Nick spun the chair around and stared out the window. "I think he's got...issues."

Howie snorted at that. "Like you don't? Like everybody else in the world doesn't?"

"Yeah, but maybe my issues and his aren't all that compatible. Well, except...he's kinda possessive, and I kinda like it. You know how one person can do something and it totally creeps you out and then somebody else does the same thing and it's hot? It's like that."

"I think I understand."

"I thought you might," Nick said softly. "Listen, I gotta go. Kevin might be back soon and I still gotta call my dad."

"Okay, just tell me one thing. Do you love him?"

Nick didn't have to think about the answer, just whether he wanted to tell Howie. Of course, he did because he could never keep anything from Howie. "Yeah, I do."

"Good. He might be just what you needed. Don't fuck it up."

"Yeah, okay. Give Lance a long hard wet one for me."

"Nicky!"

"Kiss, Howie, kiss. What'd you think I meant?" Nick was laughing as he said goodbye, but he sobered quickly as he dialed his family's house.

With everyone either at school or work, he didn't expect anyone to answer. He planned to leave Kevin's number on the answering machine as the way to contact him in case of emergency, but instead of another ring after the first one, he heard his mother's voice saying "Hello?"

He was so taken aback than she had to repeat herself a couple more times before he could say anything. "Hi, Mom."

"Nick? Where are you?" She sounded only slightly curious and vaguely annoyed, pretty much how she always spoke to Nick these days. "The caller I.D. said unknown name and number."

"I'm in California, actually. Visiting a friend." Nick cursed himself for sounding so stiff, but still couldn't loosen up. "I was just calling to leave a number for Dad."

"Fine. Would you like me to write it down for him?" She sounded just as stiff as Nick, but with an undercurrent of coldness that would have hurt except that...well, it did, just a little.

"Yes, I would, if it's not too much trouble," said Nick, giving her the number and then repeating it just to be certain she got it all.

"I'll give him the note and tell him you called." And even that came grudgingly, so Nick just told her thanks and goodbye.

After he hung up the phone, he realized that he'd not even thought to ask about Aaron or the girls. He picked up the phone to call her again, but after a moment put it back down. He sat staring out the window until the room started to feel claustrophobically stuffy.

He made sure everything was exactly the way he found it and then left the office, heading for the closest door to the outside. His path took him through the kitchen where Jane looked up from taking clean dishes from the dishwasher and smiled brightly. "Well, hi there, Nick."

"If Kevin comes home, could you tell him I had to get out of here? I'll probably be down on the beach."

"I'll tell him. But let me fix you a thermos of coffee. I just made a fresh pot--"

"No, that's okay--" Nick tried to cut her off, but she just kept going, rather like a cheerful steamroller.

"--and if you can wait just a minute, I'll run upstairs and get you a jacket. It's awfully breezy down next to the water--"

"No, really, I'll be fine. I just need to..." But Nick was talking to an empty room. Jane had already bustled herself right on out the door and he could hear her soft footfalls on the stairs.

Nick walked out onto the patio and sat down in one of the comfortable deck chairs. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, just soaking up the sun and the fresh--well, _open_ air. He could hear the waves down on the beach and even from this distance, the sound combined with the almost-silent lap of the pool relaxed him. Water was his element, and he had a specific affinity for the ocean. It boggled him to think that some people lived out their entire lives in the middle of the country without ever seeing its beauty, feeling its power, or hearing its crashing whispers.

After a few minutes, Nick decided to go on down to the beach so he sat up straight and opened his eyes. And nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Kevin sitting across from him. He laid his hand against his frantically thudding heart and said, "Where...how? Fuck, man."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to sneak up on you. I guess you were just too out of it to hear me when I walked out here." Kevin smiled at him fondly. "Have a nice nap?"

"I wasn't asleep, just..." Nick sighed and stretched as he got to his feet. "Actually, I was about to take a walk. Want to join me?"

"I'd love to." Kevin stood up as well and held out Nick's jacket. "Jane asked me to bring this to you."

Nick shook his head but put the jacket on anyway.

Neither man spoke until they were standing on the sand, just out of reach of the water rolling in. "Is something wrong?" Kevin glanced at Nick and then returned his gaze to the horizon.

"I called home today. Talked to my mother by accident. It was a very short conversation," said Nick dismissively, not wanting to get into it and make his mood any darker. "Talked to Howie too. That was much more interesting. I guess I missed not seeing him every day more than I realized."

Kevin made a small sound that Nick knew meant he was listening closely, but didn't pressure Nick to keep talking if he didn't want to. He was slightly surprised to find that he did have stuff he wanted to get off his chest. "It's weird that I kinda miss her. She's my mom, even if we can't...you know, get along. Sometimes I wish it was different, but I can't change who I am and she won't...anyway, she's got Aaron, so she doesn't need me anymore."

"Nick." Kevin turned to look at him, and Nick blinked back the moisture in his eyes before meeting Kevin's compassionate gaze. "Your mother is supposed to love you no matter what, and if she thinks she doesn't need you she's fooling herself. You're her son, her first born child, and a unique individual. Nobody can ever replace you, no matter how many more kids she's got. I hope she wakes up one of these days and realizes what a mistake she's making by cutting you out of her life."

"Yeah, maybe." Nick nodded and looked down the water inching closer to his toes. "Does your mom know you're gay and still like you anyway? I mean, not just love you because you're her kid, but like you as a person, want to be around you and talk to you and all that."

"Yes. It came as a surprise when I told her, but it didn't change how she felt about me." Kevin moved just a tiny bit closer to Nick. "It's not your fault, you know."

Nick nodded again and scuffed his foot in the sand. "So Howie tells me. But it sure seems to me that if I'd been straight, my mom would have been a lot more understanding about our other problems. And I'd be closer to my baby brother right now."

"I'm sorry," said Kevin, wrapping his arm around Nick's back.

"I've kinda gotten used to it. Just every once in a while..." Nick looked up at Kevin and tried to smile as he desperately changed the subject. "So...this party tonight. You think your cousin's going to like me when he finds out I've never heard of him before?"

"He's probably gonna love you just because I do. He understands that contemporary Christian singers are not quite as well known as the Rolling Stone and TRL crowd, but if you'd like to hear his music I'll put on one of his CDs when we get back up to the house. I got a prerelease copy of his new one."

"Relative advantages, huh?"

"Yep." Kevin smiled and looked up at the color-streaked sunset sky, and Nick was struck by the strange idea that Kevin always seemed to be posing for pictures, even when there were no cameras around. But the strangest thing is how natural he made it look. "Guess we better go and start getting ready for the party."

"Okay," said Nick, turning to head back up to the house. He glanced at Kevin as a thought occurred to him. "How'm I supposed to dress for this thing?"

"However you want. You always look great." Kevin looked back at him and almost challengingly added, "I've probably got a suit that you could borrow, if you wanted to give me a cheap thrill."

"Seeing me in a suit would give you a cheap thrill?" Nick laughed, but he was a bit skeptical that he could wear Kevin's clothes. They were about the same height, but Nick was wider and more filled out than Kevin. "You gotta get out more, dude."

"Mock all you want, but I think you'd look fantastic--_more_ fantastic than usual, I mean."

Nick laughed harder and said, "Fine, fine, I'll do it."

"Thank you, Nick," Kevin said gravely.

"You can thank me in the limo on the way home tonight."

Kevin looked at Nick speculatively, but Nick just smiled slightly and changed the subject as they walked back to the house.

 

***

 

Nick looked at his reflection in the floor length mirror on the bathroom wall and shook his head. The tan suit fit so well that he doubted Kevin had ever worn it, and the peach colored shirt--besides being so not Kevin's style--still had a tag attached, although not one with a price on it. He tried not to be a suspicious person, but at some point anyone would have to concede that maybe there had been a set up. For Nick, that moment had been when Kevin just happened to find a pair of very expensive dress shoes in his closet that were Nick's size instead of his. They, like the suit and shirt, were a perfect fit.

He frowned as he twitched the open collar of his shirt so that a bruise at the base of his throat wouldn't be quite so noticable. He'd parted and combed his hair into a neater style than usual, but remembering the last party he'd went to with Kevin, ended up spiking and tousling it so that it already looked like he'd just rolled out of bed, so Kevin couldn't really mess it up.

There was a brief knock at the door and Kevin called out, "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, come ahead," Nick called back, smoothing his eyebrows down and immediately feeling like a tool for doing so. He dropped his hands to his sides and turned away from the mirror as the door opened. "Hey, Kev--uhhh." He closed his mouth quickly so his tongue wouldn't hang out like a cartoon wolf staring a plump juicy sheep. He swallowed and looked Kevin up and down, then did it again even more slowly. How could anyone make a plain black suit and stark white shirt look that sexy? And the narrow black tie that should have made him look like an undertaker actually gave Nick dirty thoughts about how hot it would look wrapped tightly around Kevin's wrists instead of hanging neatly from his collar.

"You about ready to go?" Kevin asked innocently, having no idea what fantasies where running through Nick's mind, although Nick had every intention of letting him know later, because otherwise what was the point?

"Do we really have to go?" Nick licked his lips. "Surely Brian wouldn't mind. He releases records all the time, right?"

"Well, not more than once every year or two. So yeah, I think he would mind." Kevin raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, watching Nick closely. "Is something wrong?"

"No, everything is exactly right. I'd just rather stay here and ravish you than go to some party where I don't know anybody and everybody thinks they're special because they're either rich or famous."

"Ravish?"

"What? I read."

"But what have you been reading is the question," replied Kevin with a curious twinkle in his eyes. Nick might have glanced at one of BJ's more explicit romance novels a time or two, but he wasn't about to admit that to Kevin.

Kevin reached out and took Nick's hand, urging him to leave the bathroom. "Actually you will know somebody because Joey and Kelly will be there, and probably a few other people you met the other night."

That news did make Nick feel less apprehensive so he smiled and gave Kevin a kiss on the cheek. "Okay, then let's go."

 

***

By the time the party was in full swing and Nick had a couple glasses of champagne, he was much more relaxed than he expected and was actually having a great time talking to Kelly while Joey and Kevin talked to some woman with a microphone nearby. He'd gotten so used to the roving cameramen in the crowd that he barely took notice of the one taping Kevin and Joey as they talked about Brian's new album.

When Kevin came back to Nick's side, he grabbed his arm and motioned toward the other side of the room. "Come meet AJ. He just got here, fashionably late as usual."

"Umm, okay. Bye, Kel!" Nick said as Kevin started dragging him off. Kelly waved at him and turned to talk to someone else.

"You probably need to know one thing about AJ before you meet him," Kevin muttered quietly in Nick's ear as they approached the lithe tattooed man that Nick had seen on countless magazine covers and music videos. "He _will_ try to mess with you, but he's actually a nice guy underneath, so give him a chance."

Nick nodded but didn't say anything until he had been introduced to AJ and AJ's date, a tall brunette named something exotic that Nick had no hope of pronouncing correctly so he didn't commit it to memory. AJ shook his hand and said, "So everything Kevin said about you is true. You're a fine piece of ass."

Nick arched a brow and said coolly, "Yes, I am, and I've got the bank account to prove it."

AJ laughed and clapped Nick on the shoulder. "I like you already. So tell me, what did you think about the CDs I sent you?"

"They were very nice. Thank you for sending them."

"Oh great, you hated them," said AJ, rolling his eyes behind the tinted lenses of his glasses.

"No, I didn't," Nick protested over Kevin's softly muttered,

"AJ." But AJ and Nick both ignored him, so he didn't say anything else.

"You sound like you're thanking your grandma for socks."

Nick laughed and said, "Fine. 'Hey Mr DJ' was real popular at the club I used to work at. And so was 'That's the Way I Like It'. I always got good tips with that one."

"Okay, now you're talkin'. Wait..." AJ looked at Kevin who'd been watching the conversation with a bemused look on his face and asked, "Do we get royalties for that? I mean, they have to pay a fee, right?"

"Oh yeah, I checked it out with the record company, the publishers, and my lawyers after my first visit," said Kevin, all business. "It's square."

"Ha! I should have known." AJ glanced around at his date whom he'd been ignoring for the last several minutes, and said, "Hey sugar, why don't you go get us a drink?" He glanced at Kevin and clarified, "A Coke for me."

The woman walked off without a word, and AJ shrugged. "She's a model/actress/whatever."

"She's very pretty," Nick said, when it became evident that Kevin had no comment.

"Yeah, that's what she does." AJ shrugged one shoulder and threw up a hand to greet someone a few yards away.

"She's not the same one you were with the last time I saw you," said Kevin quietly.

"Heh. That was last year's model."

"More like last week's. Have you talked to Sarah lately?"

"No," said AJ shortly. "I'm going to find my drink and my date. Possibly in that order." He stalked off just as Brian walked up. "Hey Bri, congrats. Talk to you later."

And then he was swallowed up by the crowd, and Brian was left grinning confusedly at Kevin and Nick. "What was that about?"

"I asked about Sarah," said Kevin with obvious chagrin.

"Ahhh, I see. Bad move. That's still an open wound for him." Brian shook his head sadly, and then turned to Nick. "Are you still having a good time?"

"Yeah, it's a great party."

"Y'all should come out to Atlanta next week for the actual release. All my family is going to be there and Kevin's mom, and..." Brian kept talking but Nick didn't really hear anymore after 'Kevin's mom'. He didn't tune back in until he heard his name. "Nick, I'm really glad I got to meet you. Kevin's talked about almost nothing else for months--"

"Brian!" Kevin snapped, but he looked more embarrassed than angry.

"Oh, was I not to supposed to mention that? Oops." Brian grinned shamelessly and shrugged. "I'm sure Nick takes it as the compliment that it is."

"You don't have to make it sound like I was obsessed with him. I talked about other stuff too."

"Oh yeah, you did. You, Tim, and I talked about the Dodgers' chances this year. Well, actually we did while you just talked about how much Nick likes baseball. And then there was the time Leighanne and I were talking about movies and you told us what Nick thought about-- mmrrph." Brian couldn't talk very well with Kevin's hand over his mouth, but his eyes sparkled and crinkled up at the corners with his amusement.

Nick hoped he wasn't blushing as brightly as the heat in his face would suggest. He glanced at Kevin and said, "No, it's all right. But...I think I'll go see if I can find AJ. Angel wanted me to get him to sign something for her."

Nick turned and hurried off toward the bar, but didn't see AJ around anywhere so he asked the bartender for directions to the nearest restroom. Once inside, he looked at himself in the mirror over the sink and sighed. His cheeks were still a little pink, but maybe it'd just look like an alcohol flush to anyone who didn't know him. Which would be just about everyone here, he reckoned.

He suddenly missed Howie desperately. Howie would enjoy this kind of thing so much. He loved parties and clubs and meeting new people. He'd probably be out there schmoozing with the rest of them and dragging Nick along with him. And it wasn't that Nick wasn't having fun with Kevin, he really was, but there was always that lust tension between them, making hanging out in public with Kevin far from relaxing. Nick had already been well acquainted with the need for discretion in his own life, so he understood it in Kevin's, even though they were keeping completely different things on the down low. But knowing the importance of discretion didn't make it any easier not to touch Kevin or stand too close or look at him too intimately. Added to all that, every one of Kevin's friends seem to know all about Nick, which made him feel like a spotlight was following him around everywhere he went.

"Hello," said an aggressively friendly voice from just behind Nick. He looked over his shoulder in the mirror just in time to see the guy who spoke shift his eyes up from where he'd been checking Nick out.

"Hey," Nick nodded and turned on the water to wash his hands, more to avoid looking like he'd just been staring at himself in the mirror than because they were dirty. He had been, of course, but only in an absent thinking-about-something-else way, not because he was so taken with his own face. He welcomed the distraction the stranger offered. Anything was better than wallowing in his own confused feelings.

"You're from that show...on..." The guy trailed off, presumably so that Nick could finish his sentence, but when Nick said nothing he chuckled and said, "No, wait, you were in a movie, right?"

"No. I'm not an actor," Nick said, just to get the guy to stop fishing.

"I'm Jim, by the way." The guy--Jim--held out his hand, but Nick reached for a paper towel instead. Jim's toothpaste commercial smile didn't dim the slightest. He just tilted his head a little and looked Nick up and down. "I've got it, you're a singer. No, with a face like that? A model. That's where I've seen you, in a magazine or on a billboard."

"No, I'm not any of that." Exasperated, Nick tossed his paper towel in the trash and asked, "I'm just curious. Has this line ever worked for you?"

"It's not a line," Jim insisted, his plastically handsome face drawing into a brief frown before he seemed to catch himself and smooth his expression. "I know I've seen you somewhere before. You're not a dancer are you?"

A chill ran over Nick and he shook his head, hoping the guy didn't really know him. The odds were in Nick's favor so he was probably just being paranoid, but still. "Look, I'm not famous and you don't know me. What even makes you think I'm gay?"

"Just a hunch. You're here with Kevin Richardson, right? I've heard about his dating habits, which is why I naturally assumed you must be in the business."

"I ain't nobody's habit," Nick said mildly, but he wondered what type of guy Kevin usually dated. If they were all in the business that might explain why Kevin was so happy that Nick never asked him for anything. "Me and Kevin are just friends and since I was in town he invited me to his cousin's party. End of story."

Jim gave Nick a speculative look that nearly made him squirm until he realized he could walk away at any time. He turned to do just that but Jim reached out and put his hand on Nick's shoulder.

Nick stared down at the shorter man and shrugged his hand off. "Dude, what is your problem?"

Jim withdrew a business card from his pocket. "If you're interested in some TV work, give me a call at this number." He pointed at the front of the card, then he flipped it over and pointed at a handwritten number on the back. "Call that number if you're interested in anything else."

"I won't be," said Nick, not taking the card and walking toward the door.

"Don't be too sure. I could be really good for your career."

Nick waved over his shoulder and left the room, thinking that man sure had some nerve trying to come on to him, even though he though Nick was Kevin's date. Which he was, but of course Nick would lie about it if Kevin wanted him to. That's what boyfriends did. And then he froze. "Holy fuck, I'm Kevin's boyfriend."

As soon as he realized he'd spoken out loud, Nick glanced around to see if anyone was close enough to have heard him. Nobody was paying him the slightest bit of attention, so he breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against the wall. He had never expected Kevin to come into his life. Who possibly could have? But once he did, Nick didn't--_couldn't_\-- believe that Kevin would stick around long enough to become this important. Love was one thing--it came and went and Nick accepted that, but a relationship was much more serious. It smacked of commitment and Nick still had serious doubts about how something like that could ever work for Kevin and him. After a moment, he realized that avoiding Kevin was not going to help him figure anything out so he went back to the party.

Wandering through the thinning crowd, Nick didn't see AJ around but he did run into Brian, who took him by the arm and said, "Let's take a little walk."

Nick didn't know what to say and it was Brian's party, so he allowed Brian to him outside and into a dark corner away from everyone else out on the balcony. He also waited for Brian to speak first.

"I wasn't exaggerating much about the way Kevin's been talking about you. I tease him about it, but it's not a bad thing at all." Brian took a deep breath and leaned back against the stone railing, pausing for a long moment before continuing, "Before he met you, he'd gotten a little...well, boring. He never went out except to photo ops and stuff that his manager and publicist made him go to. He didn't date and if he was having any sex at all it was never with anyone important enough to mention. He worked constantly and was making himself old before his time."

"So...he's more interesting now?" Nick asked, trying and failing to imagine a boring Kevin.

"It's good to see him get excited about something besides music or the foundation." Brian stopped smiling and gave Nick a speculative look. "I don't know what it is about you, what's so special. But you woke him up and got him to live a little more."

Nick shrugged. "I don't get it either."

"Well, it's not important. Just know that if you're just trying to take advantage of him, I'll make your life miserable."

"That's not a very Christian attitude, is it?" Nick smirked disbelievingly, but there was something in Brian's eyes like he really meant it.

"He's more than just a cousin. He's like a brother to me, and he's already been through enough grief in his life. I'm just looking out for him. I think the Lord would understand."

"I don't want anything from Kevin," said Nick, knowing it was a lie but not a big one. It was true that he wasn't after Kevin's money or whatever it was that Brian worried about. He just wanted Kevin, maybe not even as much as Kevin seemed to want him, a thought which worried him a little whenever it occurred to him. He looked at Brian, whose open expression seemed to inspire confidence and Nick found himself confessing, "I don't have anything to give him either. I keep waiting for him to wake up and realize that, you know?"

Brian snorted a laugh and shook his head. "Kevin's stubborn as the day is long. You can wait your whole life for him to do what you expect. He just goes his own way and before you know it, you're going his way too."

"Yeah, that's what I'm finding out." Nick sighed in relief when someone waved at Brian and distracted him from Nick.

"I gotta go and talk to some more people. But it was good to meet you, Nick. I'm glad we got all our cards on the table."

"Okay..." Nick might have said more, but Brian was already walking away with a professional smile firmly in place. With nothing better to do, he went back to the party.

After a bit of searching, Nick finally found Kevin talking to Brian's wife, Leighanne, whom Nick had been briefly introduced to earlier. She seemed nice enough if a little distant.

"There you are. I was starting to wonder if you'd ditched me." But Kevin was smiling when he said it.

"Thought about it, but the bathroom window was too small to climb through. Guess you're stuck with me." Nick grinned and sidled around Leighanne to stand closer to Kevin.

"That works for me. You about ready to go? I think it's starting to wind down." When Nick nodded in response, Kevin turned to Leighanne and said, "We're gonna head on out of here. I'll let you know about next week, all right?"

"Sure." Leighanne smiled and held out her hand. "It was nice to finally meet you, Nick."

"Yeah, same here." Nick shook her hand and said goodbye, then followed Kevin on his rounds of the room. They said goodbye to Brian and AJ, and Nick was surprised when both men gave him a hug just like they'd given Kevin. After also saying more restrained goodbyes to a few more acquaintances, Kevin led Nick out to the car and said, "I still owe you my thanks, don't I?"

"Well, if you insist." Nick climbed into the back seat and pulled Kevin in with him, shutting out the world with a slam of the door.

 

***

 

It was only the disturbance of Kevin getting out of bed that woke Nick up the next day. He almost went back to sleep until he got a look at the clock and saw it was nearly one o'clock in the afternoon. He did allow himself the luxury of lounging in bed while Kevin took a shower, but eventually he had to get up, if only to get something to eat.

Wandering downstairs after he showered and dressed, Nick found Kevin reading a newspaper at the kitchen table while Jane bustled around between the stove and refrigerator and various cabinets. He patted Kevin on the shoulder and took the cup of coffee that Jane offered before he even had a chance to get it himself.

"Good afternoon, Nick," Jane smiled warmly at him as she went back to her cooking. "You had a few calls this morning, but Kevin had left instructions not to disturb either of you."

"Calls for _me_? Was there an emergency at home?" He straightened up from where he'd been about to sit down and reached for the telephone. "Is my family okay?"

"Oh yes, I'm sorry. No emergency. I asked if it was urgent and both callers said no." She brought two plates to the table and then turned back for more, still talking. "Your father called once and left a number for you to call. He said it was bank business and you'd know what that means. Then your mother called twice. The last time just a few moments before Kevin came down."

"Oh." Nick's heart rate calmed a little and he sat down at the table. "Did she mention Aaron at all?"

"No, she only asked to talk to you and insisted that I give you the message that she had called." Jane set down two smaller plates of toast in front of Nick and Kevin, then brought a pan over and served them each a fluffy golden omelette.

After refilling the coffee cups, Jane laid a sheet of notepaper next to Nick's plate. "Here are the numbers, but why don't you go ahead and eat first. Neither of your parents sounded upset or panicked in anyway, so I'm sure it can wait a few minutes."

Nick nodded and then glanced at Kevin, who had laid the paper aside and was watching him closely. Nick cleared his throat and said, "So what...what do you have planned today?"

Kevin looked away and started buttering his toast, releasing Nick from the intensity of his concern as he said, "Well, I have a few phone calls to make after breakfast, and then we can do whatever you want."

"I need to call home," said Nick, taking a sip of his coffee.

"You can do that on the house line. I'll be on my cell anyway."

"Okay, cool. After that, I'd like to go back to this huge record store Kelly took me to the other day. Briahna started getting fussy and needing a nap so we had to leave before I had a chance to look at everything. You know that one--it's just right up from the theater we went to."

"Yeah, Amoeba. We can do that." Kevin took a few bites and then asked, "Anything in particular you're looking for?"

"Not really. I wanted to check out the DVDs upstairs. I saw a few in the--" He glanced at Jane who was washing something in the sink, then lowered his voice "--gay section that I wanted to get a closer look at."

Kevin nodded and gave him a conspiratorial wink. "Okay, I know a couple other places we can go for that kind of thing too."

"I'll bet," Nick grinned and tucked into his breakfast, trying not to worry too much about why his mother was calling him.

And as the conversation drifted to other things, he managed to put it out of his mind for a while. But when Kevin stood up and said he was going to find his cellphone, all the worry came back, even stronger than before. Kevin must have noticed because he gave Nick a brief hug and a kiss on the cheek before he left the room.

Nick took the slip of paper and the cordless phone from the kitchen out to the patio where he could have some privacy and feel the sun while he dealt with his mother. He had to get some warmth from somewhere.

He called the bank first, and the relief that his loan had been approved made him much more relaxed as he called home.

Jane Carter picked up on the first ring and said, "Nick?"

"Yeah, it's me. Why'd you want me to call you?"

"Why didn't you tell me that you were out there with Kevin Richardson? 'Visiting a friend' you said! Nick, do you have any idea what Kevin could do for Aaron's career?"

Nick sighed and slumped back in his chair. "No, but I'm sure you're dying to tell me. How'd you find out?"

"I saw you with him on television. You know I tape all the entertainment news shows. I saw you right behind him when the reporter talked to him at a record party. You were talking to some woman, so I didn't know why you were there until I saw you with Kevin at some other event on ET. You sure get around, don't you?"

"Yeah, but listen. I'm not going to ask Kevin to help Aaron with his career. I don't think Aaron needs--"

"_I_ will decide what Aaron needs, not you. And he needs to meet someone who has pull at a record company."

"No, he needs to be a kid, and I'm not going to use my boyfriend that way."

"Well, if he's your _boyfriend_," Jane said venomously, "I don't think he'd mind too much helping out your only brother. Unless...what you're really trying to do is get your own career started again."

"I don't have a fucking career, Mom! I made two commercials and appeared on a cable access show when I was ten, and I liked it until you sucked all the fun out of it, but that's not a career."

"Don't you talk to me that way, Nickolas. I tried so hard with you, but you just refused to cooperate."

"Yeah, and now you've moved on to Aaron who was too sweet and loved you too much to stand up to you."

"He loves to sing and dance and perform. He's not a baby and it's not like I'm forcing him to do anything, for crying out loud."

"Maybe he does. Maybe he loves it. But I'm not going to--"

"Before you say another word, I think you should realize that the National Enquirer would pay a lot of money for an exclusive interview with the mother of Kevin Richardson's boyfriend."

Nick pressed his hand down flat on the table to stop the shaking and said slowly, "You wouldn't do that to the other kids."

"I would do that to you. I will do _anything_ for Aaron, and you ought to know that."

"Please, Mom...think about it. This wouldn't help Aaron. It would only hurt him and the girls."

"I want Aaron to have a record deal, and I want it as soon as possible. Or the Enquirer will be getting a call from me. Maybe I can even get the Star interested in a little bidding war."

"Don't do anything yet, okay? Please just wait until I call you back."

"You have until tomorrow morning. Eight o'clock my time."

"I'll call you." Nick hung up without saying goodbye. He left the phone lying on the table and walked down to the beach.

 

Nick had no idea how long he'd been sitting on the sand, staring out at the water, when Kevin walked up behind him and said, "I had a feeling I'd find you down here. If it was any warmer, you'd be out in the water, wouldn't--" He broke off as he walked around in front of Nick. The smile on his face slipped away as he crouched down so that he could look into Nick's eyes. "What happened?"

Nick shrugged and buried his hands in the sand beside his feet.

"Nick." Kevin sat down and crossed his legs in front of him so that their knees were almost touching.

"I don't wanna tell you." Nick hated that he sounded like a kid who'd broken the cookie jar, but he couldn't help it. He also couldn't seem to make eye contact with Kevin either.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I don't know how you'll react. I don't know what to do." Nick sighed and dug deeper into the sand, feeling the grains work up under his fingernails. "Maybe if I sit right here and never move, it'll all go away."

"Nick, you have to tell me what's going on eventually, might as well get it over with," Kevin said, impatiently. "I could sit here and make guesses until I get a reaction, but that'd just be irritating for both of us."

Nick looked up and met Kevin's eyes for the first time since he'd arrived. "You're not gonna give up?"

"I'm not giving up," said Kevin, determination in every simple word.

Nick took a deep breath and then abruptly explained about the phone call. When he was finished, he pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his shins, waiting for Kevin's reaction.

Kevin sat there for a long moment before slowly saying, "That bitch." Nick frowned and started to protest that she was still his mother, but then decided she didn't deserve it. Kevin waved a hand and said, "Sorry. It's just...it's unconscionable that she'd bring that kind of attention to you and your brother and sisters."

"She's not thinking about that, just getting what she wants."

"Obviously. See, this is why I've never come out to the public. My private life is just that, _private_. That's why you won't see my house on Cribs or my mom writing a book about my childhood. I don't pretend to have a girlfriend because I don't like lying, but also because it just invites more unwelcome scrutiny."

Nick wouldn't have thought it possible, but he now felt even worse. He'd managed to threaten the most important thing in Kevin's life. He ought to regret ever getting involved with Kevin in the first place, but he couldn't bring himself to go that far. Kevin meant too much to him to want to change anything that they'd done together.

"You know what's weird about this? She doesn't even know how damaging this really could be because she doesn't know about the stripping. But you can bet any reporter she talked to would find out about it in, like, ten seconds of research."

Kevin nodded as if the thought had already occurred to him. "They'd have a field day dragging you through the mud. And me too. The way I see it, we've got to do what she wants. I can't guarantee a contract, but I can get her a meeting."

"Okay, when you get that set up, I'll call her back, and then I guess I'll call the airline about getting a different flight." Nick blinked a couple times and decided to blame the moisture in his eyes on the wind.

"What's wrong with the flight you've already got scheduled for next week?"

"I thought... Don't you want me to leave?"

"What? Leave?" Kevin stared at him, eyebrows drawn into a frown--and with those brows it was a pretty impressive frown, Nick couldn't help but notice even in his upset state. "No, I don't want you to leave. Haven't you got it through your thick skull yet that if I had my way you'd stay here forever?"

Nick stared at Kevin in surprise, and not a little bit of fear. "No."

"No, you haven't gotten it yet?"

"Just no, Kevin. I love you but dude, you are asking way too much from such a relatively short time together."

"You love me?" Kevin sounded way too delighted to have gotten Nick's main point.

Nick threw up his hands in exasperation, ignoring the sand he sprayed all over Kevin's jeans. "Did you hear anything else I said?"

"You love me," Kevin repeated with a huge grin, his eyes nearly glowing with happiness. "You said it, and you can't take it back now."

Nick shook his head and wondered how he could be so tired so early in the day. "Okay, could you look at the big picture for a minute? I have a life and a brand new business back in Florida that I have to get back to. I have a mother who has apparently turned psycho and decided to make both our lives miserable. You have a life here, a life that I could only ever be a little bitty part of anyway because everybody in the whole freakin' world is always watching."

"Nick, once we get this mess with your mom straightened out, the rest will be--"

"Don't say easy. I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I know better than that."

"No, not easy, but it'll be worth it." Kevin glanced around before laying his hand on Nick's thigh and leaning closer. "I love you and you're mine, Nick. I'll do everything I can to protect you."

"I don't need protecting. Maybe what I need is a boyfriend who can touch me on the beach without checking for paparazzi first."

Kevin drew back as if Nick had slapped him and that was pretty much what it felt like to Nick too. The words had fallen from his mouth before he'd stopped to think about it.

"You knew who and what I was as soon as you met me. You can't start acting all shocked and appalled at my celebrity status now," said Kevin in a low voice, but his anger was bright and hot in a way that actually made Nick feel better. At least he was fighting back instead of withdrawing into icy silence. "You think I like it this way? I don't, but I can't change it either, not without giving up music and living in a cave until people forget about me. Is that what you want from me?"

"No. I didn't--" Nick scrubbed his hands through his hair and let out a sharp breath. "I shouldn't have said that. I don't want anyone else. Just you."

"Nick--"

"I'm sorry. For everything. But maybe it would be best if I did leave." Nick stood up and started jerkily brushing the sand off his pants, not surprised when Kevin immediately jumped to his feet too.

"No, no, we'll take care of this. Here. Together. I just need to talk to some people and get it all worked out."

"How the hell are you gonna explain why you need somebody to look at some teenager in Florida?"

"I'll think of something. If all else fails, I might know someone I can trust with the truth."

"Somebody at your record company?"

Kevin laughed a little bitterly and shook his head. "I wouldn't trust most of them with my dog."

"You don't have a dog."

"Exactly." Kevin patted Nick on the back in a way that would look casually friendly to an outside observer, and said, "Let's go back up to the house and get started. We still have to make a trip to Amoeba to buy you some porn and then maybe we'll go someplace nice and quiet for dinner. Sound good?"

"Yeah, I guess-- Hey! I didn't say nothing about porn." Nick followed behind Kevin, noticing how his jeans pulled tight across his very nice ass as he walked. Nick had the fleeting desire to tackle Kevin, take him down to the ground where they could roll around in the sand, laughing and groping and stealing kisses, just generally acting like any other young lovers on the beach. But they weren't just any lovers, and neither of them could ever forget it.

***

"That's true. The market has-- Yeah, I'll hold." Kevin waved Nick into the office and took the glass of iced tea he'd brought with a grateful smile. Holding the phone so that his hand was over the mouthpiece but he could still hear, Kevin took a long sip of his tea. "He had to take another call so I'm on hold," he explained.

"How's this one going? Does it sound promising?" Nick asked, wandering around the room. There was a comfortable sofa along one wall, but he was too antsy to sit still for long. He'd already tried several times and just popped right back up again after a minute or so.

"Maybe. I don't know. It's too soon to tell because I can't get him to focus on my call long enough to get anything done. He has take another call or he's gotta talk to his assistant or...it's just something all the time." Kevin drank some more tea and then set his glass down. He looked up at Nick with a cautious expression and said, "I've been thinking. You said she doesn't know about your old job, right? Would telling her about that convince her that talking to the press about us could be detrimental for your brother's career?"

A sick feeling settled in the pit of Nick's stomach and he sat down abruptly on the sofa. He'd kept that secret for over a year and a half, and now Kevin wanted him to just tell his mother and his baby brother, and of course his sisters would find out and his dad would get any suspicions he might have confirmed. His mother would make sure they did.

Could he handle that? He wasn't exactly ashamed of stripping, but it wasn't something he was particularly proud of either. He'd never wanted his family to know because he didn't want them to look at him differently, to think about him that way, so overtly sexual. He'd only ever wanted to be a good big brother, someone that Aaron and the girls could look up to and not be embarrassed by. He'd thrown them for enough of a loop by both coming out and moving away from home. He hadn't gone very far, just to a nearby city, but it was enough emotional distance that he hadn't wanted to add any more. And he couldn't help but believe that was what would happen if they found out he used to strip for a living.

Besides what it would do to his relationship with his family, the important thing to consider might be whether it would actually do any good. If he told his mother, she'd have an even stronger hold on Kevin and him. Her threat would have even more weight unless she stopped to think how damaging it could be to Aaron, and he wasn't sure he could trust her to do that because she was too focused on her primary goal of getting Aaron noticed by a record company.

Nick looked up to see Kevin watching him, so he shook his head and simply said, "I can't. I'm sorry."

Kevin nodded and seemed about to say something, but turned his attention back to the phone instead. "Yeah, I'm still here. Uh huh. No, I understand. But what if I fly him out here? Uh huh..." He paused and scribbled something down while listening carefully to whoever was on the other end of the line. "Yes. Great. Thanks. I'll be in touch."

Having stood up again as soon as Kevin started talking, Nick shifted impatiently from one foot to the other, waiting for Kevin to hang up the phone and just tell him something already. It sounded promising, but then a couple of the other calls Kevin had made had sounded promising at first then turned out to be dead ends.

Kevin hung up the phone and smiled at Nick. "I got it. A guy at Jive owes AJ a favor so now I owe AJ an even bigger favor. The catch is, I have to get Aaron out here by tomorrow afternoon. Ed is going on a three week vacation to Tahiti day after tomorrow, but he's willing to work in an audition first."

Nick let out a long breath and felt some of the tension in his neck and shoulders ease. "Okay. Let's hope that's enough to satisfy her."

"Yeah, I'm worried that it won't because getting a record deal is a lot more complicated than just getting one A and R guy's attention. I don't know your mother so I don't know how tenacious she is--"

"Like a dog with bone."

"Well. We'll just have to do what we can and hope for the best. And if all else fails, we can always hire a hitman to take her out."

"The hell?" Nick gaped in shock until Kevin finally smirked a little, letting Nick know he wasn't serious. "You fucker," Nick said with a disapproving snort, but he was secretly glad that Kevin could crack jokes because it made the situation seem a little less scary.

"Sorry. Let me get their flight arranged and then you can call her with the information." Kevin picked up the phone, but Nick laid his hand over Kevin's and said,

"No. Let me call her first and she can buy her own damn plane tickets." Nick took the phone and punched in the number of his mother's cellphone so that he wouldn't have to worry about possibly talking to anyone else in the family first.

Jane answered on the first ring again, which made Nick wonder if she'd been holding the phone in her hand waiting for his call. He told her about the meeting that Kevin had set up and what time she had to have Aaron there. "I'll meet you at the airport if you want."

"Will Kevin be there?"

"No," answered Nick sharply without even bothering to consult Kevin. "I will meet you and we'll take a cab to your hotel or directly to the record company offices, depending on the time."

"Fine. I'll let you know when to expect us."

"Is Aaron around?" Nick asked quickly before she could hang up. "I'd like to talk to him."

"No. He's out somewhere with Angel."

"Okay. Could you tell him I asked about him?"

"You can tell him yourself tomorrow. Goodbye, Nick."

The line went dead before Nick could reply, so he hung up the phone and was immediately wrapped up in Kevin's arms. He leaned back against Kevin's chest and sighed at the feel of soft kisses pressed to the side of his neck.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. You ask me that a lot, you know. Think one of these days I can be the one asking you?"

Nick could feel Kevin's smile against his skin as he murmured, "Any time you want."

"So are you? Okay with all this?"

Kevin didn't say anything for a long moment, a common habit that Nick had noticed very early on in their conversations. He could practically see the wheels turning in Kevin's head before he got around to saying what was on his mind. "I'd like to say something jaded about the price of fame and how you have to expect this kind of thing if you're gonna be in this business, but this situation is one I hadn't ever imagined. I've been used a lot of times, but this is a new way of doing it."

Nick wanted to say he was sorry again, but he didn't think it would help. He couldn't change his past or his fucked up relationship with his family, so constantly apologizing for it started to sound empty after a while. "That sucks, man."

"Yeah, it does." Kevin shrugged and tightened his arms around Nick. "But I think it'll be okay."

Nick pulled at Kevin's hands until he loosened his grip and then Nick turned around so that he could look Kevin in the eyes. "You really think that?"

Kevin nodded and cupped his hands lightly on Nick's hips. "I really do."

"Could you make me believe it? Because I'm not feeling so confident right now." In fact he was feeling hopeless and sad that something as special as his relationship with Kevin could be tainted and threatened by his own mother. He'd never felt worthy of Kevin and this just reinforced the idea. Yet there was a tiny flicker of something in the back of him mind that told him to trust in Kevin and it would somehow all work out, as long as they loved each other.

"Believe it because I love you and trust me when I say that I'll do everything I can to pro-- No, not protect, but...support. That's allowed, right?"

"Yeah, that's allowed," said Nick, leaning back against the desk and spreading his feet wide so that he could pull Kevin in between his legs. He cuddled Kevin close and eagerly opened his mouth when Kevin kissed him.

They'd been kissing for several minutes and Kevin's hands had worked up under Nick's shirt, when the phone rang. Kevin pulled his mouth off Nick's and tilted his forehead onto Nick's as he whispered, "You love me."

Before Nick could answer, Kevin reached over and snatched up the phone, cutting it off mid-ring. "Yes? Oh, yes. Do you want to speak with Ni-- okay, go ahead." Kevin grabbed a pen and wrote down a time and a flight number, then said goodbye. He hung up the phone and said, "She gets right to the point, doesn't she? Anyway...wanna go porn shopping now?"

"Wanna go upstairs now?" The only thing Nick wanted right then was a distraction from his mother's impending visit and sex with Kevin was the best distraction he could think of, besides all that kissing and touching had gotten him all hot and bothered.

"Shopping can wait, I guess."

"We can make our own porn," said Nick with a grin and a raised eyebrow.

"I have a video camera, you know."

"I was only joking."

"Me too. Pam and Tommy Lee taught us all a valuable lesson," Kevin said, sliding his hand down Nick's back to the top of his ass. "We don't have to go upstairs, you know."

"Why, Kevin! You can't mean you wanna fool around right here on your desk when your housekeeper could walk in at any time." Nick pretended to be scandalized, but his pulse was racing and his cock was twitching inside the tight confines of his jeans. When Kevin started sucking on his neck and opening his fly, Nick couldn't really care less about anyone else in the world. And when Kevin had him bent over the desk with his jeans around his ankles and Kevin's cock pushing into him, Nick forgot about everything that wasn't happening inside his own body. For a few lovely endless moments, he had no problems and no worries besides when he was going to get to come. Such oblivion could become addictive.

 

***

 

Nick leaned against the chest-high wall that separated the waiting area from the luggage pickup and watched the travelers streaming in from the latest flights. He'd checked with an airport employee as soon as he'd gotten there to make sure he was in the right spot. He chewed on his thumbnail and searched the sea of faces for two familiar ones.

Kevin had asked twice if Nick was sure he wanted to go alone, and after Nick's assurances that he was definitely sure, Kevin insisted on hiring him a car and driver, so he wouldn't have to fool with cabs. Nick said that was silly and a cab would be fine, but Kevin was adamant and Nick eventually gave in because Kevin was sexy when adamant. It was part of that weird possessiveness that Nick found so oddly attractive, and also it was easy to let Kevin have the little things like picking the transportation when Nick was getting a much bigger thing, namely Kevin's support and cooperation, in return. Howie was always saying that compromise was important in a relationship and Nick had never paid much attention, but he was getting it now.

Out of the corner of his eye, Nick caught a flash of golden blond and he turned just in time to see Aaron hurl himself through the exit gate. He threw his arms around Nick's shoulders for a hug, shocking Nick with how close their heads were now. Nick pulled back and ruffled Aaron's hair. "When did you get so tall, little man?"

"Watch who you're calling little. I'm nearly as big as you," Aaron said, with a grin that nearly swallowed his whole face. "You'd know that if you came home more often."

Nick flinched and looked at their mother who had come to stand next to Aaron. "Umm, do you have bags?" He motioned at the suitcases starting to come down the conveyor belt onto the carousel.

"No, we brought everything with us." Jane hefted her carry-on bag in a meaningful way and Nick immediately reached for it.

"Okay, come on." Nick slung his free arm around Aaron's neck and led them out the doors to where the car was parked in the parking garage across the street.

Jane smiled for the first time when Ted, the driver, got out of the black Mercedes and opened the trunk for their bags. For a moment, her smile was bright and delighted before turning smug when she glanced at Nick.

By previous agreement, Ted ushered Jane into the front seat so that Nick could sit in back with Aaron. He also engaged Jane in polite conversation, a distraction that Nick planned to tip generously for, on top of whatever Kevin was paying him.

"How're you doing, bro? Feeling good about the audition?" Nick asked Aaron in a low voice. "I wanted to talk to you when I called yesterday, but I guess you were out somewhere with Angel."

"Yeah, I'm totally psyched. I've got a demo and everything." Aaron dug around in the backpack he'd declined to put in the trunk, and pulled out a CD case to which his photo had been affixed. He leaned close to Nick and whispered, "This one's supposed to be for Kevin Richardson, but I wanted you to have it."

"Thanks. I'm sure it's awesome and I'll make sure Kevin listens to it too." Nick slipped the CD in his jacket pocket before Jane could notice, and said, "What do you know about Kevin? I mean, besides you know..." Nick gestured vaguely and Aaron nodded. "Did she tell you how we got this meeting for you?"

"Not really. She said you're friends with Kevin and that he got the audition for us and that if I get to meet him, I better be super nice and super friendly and take his advice because he's really successful and knows what he's doing and he could be a really good friend to have in the business." Aaron paused to finally take a breath, and looked like he was going to start again, but Nick had heard enough.

"He's actually my boyfriend and she blackmailed him into doing this." Nick glanced up front where Ted and Jane were chatting, and said, "Umm, you do understand what I mean by boyfriend, don't you?"

"Duh. I'm fifteen, Nick. Of course, I know. Well, I mean, I don't, like, really _know_ what guys do because I like girls but yeah."

"Maybe I shouldn't have told but I just wanted you to know what she did. You need to know what she's capable of."

Aaron shrugged and picked at the knee of his jeans. "She wouldn't really do anything, would she?"

"She might. There are a lot of things that shouldn't be made public. It would hurt Kevin...and me."

"I wouldn't let her hurt you." Aaron smiled confidently and Nick shook his head. He hoped that confidence never dimmed, even if it was misplaced at the moment.

Nick decided to change the subject so he asked in a louder voice, "You hungry?"

"Yeah. We had a snack on the plane, but yeah," Aaron answered enthusiastically. They were leaving the airport area so he started looking out the windows. "Do we go by the Hollywood sign? I wanna see that."

"Yeah, I think so." Nick laughed, then he leaned forward so he could speak directly to his mother. "We have time to stop for lunch, if you want to."

When Jane hesitated, Ted spoke up, "Mister Richardson will take care of it. He even suggested a restaurant you might enjoy."

"Oh well, if you're sure we have plenty of time," Jane said, smiling more warmly at the driver than at Nick.

Nick nodded at Ted in the rear view mirror then sat back in his seat so that he could ask Aaron questions about what he'd been up to. Aaron's happy chatter made Nick feel warm and homesick at the same time.

 

***

 

After lunch, they went directly to the record company offices, where they were ushered upstairs by a young woman who introduced herself as Tracey.

Nick hung back as Jane talked to Tracey and Aaron walked next to them both with a very professional smile on his face that looked all too familiar to Nick. He knew exactly what that smile felt like from the inside and he ached to see it on his brother's face. But resigned to the fact that Aaron really did seem to want this--possibly even as much as their mother wanted it.

The man they were meeting was anxious to leave for his vacation so they didn't have to wait. Nick took a seat on a plush sofa in a waiting area and shook his head at Tracey when she offered him coffee. He flipped through a couple of industry magazines until he came across an old copy of Teen People buried in the stack on the table. He thought it was odd, but then what did he know about the music business? Maybe this was their way of keeping in touch with the fans.

He was halfway through an article about Kevin when someone sat down next to him. He glanced up in idle curiosity and Kevin smiled sheepishly and handed him a cup of coffee. Nick took it and said, "Your favorite colors are black and blue? You tryin' to say something with that?"

"No." Kevin shrugged and sipped from his own cup.

"What are you doing here?" Nick set the cup and magazine down on a nearby table.

"I wanted to be here for you. I also wanted to meet the woman who has caused you so much...consternation." Nick wasn't sure what that meant, but it sounded bad and so was probably accurate. "She threatened me too, so I think I deserve to at least look her in the eye, don't you?"

When he put it that way, Nick couldn't argue, except that he could. He could always find something to argue about if he wanted to, and apparently he needed something to release the tension. Since sex was out of the question and he wasn't in the mood for it anyway, picking a fight was the next best thing. "I told you that you shouldn't come for a reason, you know. She doesn't deserve to meet you. I didn't want you here."

"Nick," was all Kevin said and he said it in a reasonable tone that infuriated Nick in a very unreasonable way.

"Fuck it. Can't you even argue right?"

"We're not going to argue," said Kevin implacably. "I'm here. I'm not leaving. And you're gonna get over it."

"Maybe I don't want to get over it."

"That's up to you. But I'm not leaving and I'm not gonna fight with you."

"You are one irritating fucker, you know that?"

Kevin shrugged again, crossed his legs at the knee, and drank his coffee with the air of a man used to waiting. It was kind of sexy, Kevin's patience and soft-spoken approach to everything. There was something soothing and dependable about it. And just like that Nick was over his anger and in the mood to take Kevin to the nearest restroom and blow him.

He was seriously thinking of suggesting it when a nearby door opened and a middle aged man with thinning hair and a deep tan ushered Aaron and Jane out into the waiting area. He smiled when he saw Kevin and said, "Can I speak to you for just a few minutes, Kevin?"

Kevin murmured to Nick that he'd be right back and merely nodded at Jane and Aaron before disappearing into the office. Nick looked at Aaron and asked, "Well? How'd it go?"

"I don't know. Good, maybe." Aaron was smiling, but there was worry in his eyes. "He seemed to like me, but he said he'd have to talk to a whole bunch of other guys before anything else can happen, and he won't do that until after his vacation. So we have to wait at least three weeks to hear anything at all."

"Yeah, that's frustrating." Nick glanced toward the closed door and wondered if Kevin was already paying for this favor.

When Jane walked away to talk to Tracey and some other woman, Nick sat down and motioned for Aaron to join him while they waited for Kevin to come back. He briefly considered just leaving but figured if Kevin was determined to meet Jane, they might as well do it on convenient and neutral ground. Nick wouldn't put it past Kevin to invite Jane and Aaron over to his house and Nick was really uncomfortable with that idea.

Kevin didn't need Nick to protect him, any more than Nick needed Kevin to protect him. But Nick had a strong drive to do so anyway, if only because he knew his mother better than Kevin did and he didn't want Kevin to have that close of an acquaintance with her. If it had been up to him, they'd have stayed as far away from each other as possible while still being in the same country. But nothing seemed to be up to him lately. He'd been swept up in a wave of drama that he'd be more than happy to surf right out of as soon as possible. The fact that doing so would mean leaving Kevin behind here while he went back to Florida made him feel sick and empty.

Yet that had been his intention all along, which Kevin was well aware of. If Nick was now finding fault with his plans, he'd just have to deal with it and hope that Kevin understood.

Aaron was chattering away in his ear and Nick felt terrible when he realized he hadn't heard a word his little brother had said. He was making more of an effort to pay attention and respond appropriately when Kevin shut Aaron up just by walking over and smiling at him.

"Hi Aaron, I'm Kevin." Kevin held out his hand. "It's good to meet you."

Nick grinned as he watched Aaron shoot to his feet and struggle between being excited and being cool before finally shaking Kevin's hand and choking out, "Yeah, me too. I'm a big fan." Aaron's gaze shot to Nick and he added, "Is it okay to say that?"

Standing up, Nick laughed and nodded, but before he could tease either his brother or his boyfriend, his mother came back over.

Kevin's smile went several degrees cooler and his posture became ramrod straight. He somehow gave the impression of vast superiority even though he was still just the same guy wearing faded jeans with a ragged hole in one back pocket and a University of Kentucky t-shirt. Nick watched with a small measure of awe as Kevin stood up to Jane's steamroller approach and greeted her with chilly politeness that was almost rude.

Jane's eyes hardened and her smile became even more determined, and Nick found himself taking a step away from them both before he could stop himself. "Thank you for setting up this meeting, Kevin--may I call you Kevin? It's such a wonderful opportunity for Aaron after he's worked so hard to get noticed."

"Not to take anything away from this talented young man, but you know why I did it, ma'am. Let's not have any pretenses between us." Kevin glanced around the area, as if he was rather bored with the whole conversation, but maybe he was just making sure nobody was still around to overhear. "I only came down here because I was curious about what kind of person could raise such a strong, loving son and then treat him so sorry, just because he's not what you expected."

"My personal relationship with my children is none of your business."

"Actually, I'm in love with Nick and I plan to be in his life for a long, long time. You threatened that, so, yeah, it is my business now."

Jane jerked on Aaron's arm, pulling him closer to her side. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk about your perversions in front of my son. We can keep this professional."

"Love is not a perversion." Kevin walked over to take Nick's hand, and Nick was too dazzled with pride to think about objecting to the almost public display of affection. "Ed said he'd call you when he gets back from his trip and he's had a chance to pass around Aaron's demo. I've done all I can so our business is finished. I'm sure someone will call you a cab to take you to your hotel or to the airport or wherever." Kevin waved his free hand dismissively.

Jane's eyes widened and she drew herself up, and Nick knew from experience that she was getting ready to blast them both to hell and back. But just then, Tracey walked by and Jane clamped her mouth shut instead of making a scene in front of a record company employee.

"Good luck, Aaron," said Kevin, as he let go of Nick's hand and turned to leave.

Aaron nodded silently and looked at Nick with huge eyes that nearly broke his heart. He walked over and, ignoring his mother completely, caught Aaron up in a bear hug and whispered, "I love you. Don't forget that."

"I love you too, Nick," Aaron whispered back in a shaky voice caught somewhere between little kid and nearly-grown man.

Nick gave him one last squeeze and kissed his hair above his ear. Then he turned around and walked away.

Kevin put his hand on Nick's back as they walked down the hall, and Nick was desperately grateful for the contact. It might have been the only thing holding him together. He had a feeling that a door between his mother and him had just slammed after slowly swinging shut for years.

***

 

Kevin and Nick drove back to the house in near silence. Nick had a lot to think about, and Kevin allowed him to do so with no distractions, like his usual cursing at the other drivers. Nick was glad that Kevin was there with him, even if they didn't talk, and it was a new feeling for him. He usually preferred to lick his wounds in private, keep everything inside until he could go off on his own, but he wasn't in a hurry to leave Kevin's company this time. He looked forward to spending the rest of the evening with him, and not just for sex. For Kevin.

When they got to the house, Kevin led Nick into the den and sat him on the couch in front of the television, saying, "I got something for you." He opened a cabinet and pulled out a package a little bigger than a shoebox and wrapped in dark blue paper with gold and silver stars all over it. "Call it a belated birthday gift, if you want."

Nick took the present and peeled the paper off quickly. He opened the box and discovered five DVDs, all gay porn with beautiful blonds and sultry brunets on the covers. He looked up at Kevin and smiled. "I...umm..." And then all he could do was giggle for minute. "You bought me porn. You're the best boyfriend ever."

"Can I get that in writing, please? I might need to remind you sometime." Kevin sat down next to him and handed him another package identical to the first. "You can wait until later to open this one if you'd like to crack open one of those first."

"No way. I'm too curious to wait." Nick ripped into the second present and found more DVDs, but these were actual movies with plots and stuff. They did seemed to all have a gay theme though, except for the one at the bottom of the box. "'The Princess Diaries'?"

Kevin shrugged. "I have a song on the soundtrack. And I figured you might not have seen it. It's a good movie," he added defensively.

"Hey, I'm sure it is. Maybe we can watch it later," Nick said, setting aside both boxes. "I should complain about you spending so much money on me, but I'm just gonna say thanks." He leaned over and kissed Kevin on the mouth.

"You wanna watch one?" asked Kevin when he and Nick finally broke for air.

"Maybe later. Right now, I'd really like to go for a swim while it's still light outside." Nick rolled his shoulders, trying to dispel some of the tension that had built up there over the course of the day, but he didn't have much luck. He stood up and pulled Kevin to his feet. He glanced at the clock and asked, "Your housekeeper's gone for the day, right?"

"Yeah. Why?" Kevin said slowly, looking askance at Nick. His eyebrows shot up when Nick started tugging his t-shirt up over his torso.

"Because, if she's gone, we don't have to bother with going upstairs to change. Or bother with trunks at all." Nick kicked off his shoes and finished pulling off his shirt, then walked out of the room expecting Kevin to follow. He went outside and stripped off his jeans and boxers right next to the edge of the pool, then slowly climbed down the ladder into the deep end. He'd discovered early on that the water was heated almost as warm as bathwater and gradually stepping in was much better than jumping in all at once.

Kevin came out fully dressed. Nick swam from the far side of the pool to hang on the edge near Kevin. "Don't tell me you never been skinny dipping."

"No, I have. There was a pool at the camp my dad ran when I was a kid and me and my friends did it once." Kevin sat down on the end of a lounge chair and took his shoes and socks off, tucking the socks neatly inside the shoes and placing then up under the chair where they wouldn't get splashed. Even though he'd seen him naked dozens of times by now, Nick watched avidly as Kevin slowly and methodically stripped off all his clothes. His long, lean body seemed to gleam even in the growing shadow of late afternoon as he unselfconsciously walked over to step down into the pool.

Nick forced himself to stay right where he was because if he went over right now, he'd pull Kevin into the water and probably end up drowning them both. It could be difficult to tread water and molest someone at the same time--especially when the other person was cooperating as enthusiastically as Kevin undoubtedly would.

Kevin swam over and wrapped his legs around Nick's from behind and said, "Hold me up for a minute." Then he started rubbing Nick's shoulders and neck, massaging out the tension with firm pressure until Nick felt bonelessly relaxed except for the white-knuckled grip he maintained on the edge of the pool to keep them both from slipping under.

Pressing soft kisses to the back of Nick's neck, Kevin stretched his arms around to grab the side of the pool. He unwrapped his legs from Nick's and whispered, "Turn around and I'll hold you up for a while."

A wave of tenderness nearly swamped Nick and he had to blink a couple of times before he could turn and face Kevin without giving away too much. He'd already admitted that he loved Kevin and that he considered him his boyfriend, so it shouldn't have been a big deal to show how vulnerable he felt, but it was. Years of self-protection didn't just fade away because of one tiny word and the huge emotions that went with it.

"I meant it, you know," Nick generously conceded, as he wrapped his arms around Kevin's shoulders. "You are the best boyfriend ever."

Kevin kissed him on the lips and then smiled hopefully. "I thought you were just visiting my life and would go back to your own life in Florida in a few days. Does this mean you've changed your mind?"

"No, I'm still going home. But that doesn't mean you can't be my boyfriend." Nick let his body drift closer to Kevin, lightly brushing against him. "I can be faithful, even if you're thousands of miles away. Just don't forget to come see me sometimes."

Kevin looked down at their bodies floating together in the water and didn't reply for so long that Nick almost started talking again just to fill the silence. Finally, he looked up into Nick's eyes and said, "I'll give you a key to the Miami house."

"I don't need a key to your place," Nick scoffed, rubbing his feet against Kevin's calves. "I don't even know where it's at."

"I'll write down the address and give you directions and the code to the alarm system."

"Whatever. I'm not going to your house when you're not there." Nick took one hand off Kevin and lazily flicked water at him.

"Fine. It's the thought that counts anyway. Hold your breath," Kevin added quickly, and in one smooth motion he released the side of the pool, wrapped his arms around Nick's middle, and fell backward, taking them both underwater.

Nick barely had time to close his mouth and eyes as the water closed over his head. He opened his eyes to see Kevin grinning like a lunatic before he kicked hard and brought them both back to the surface. Nick tilted his head back to get his hair out of his face, and laughed. "Oh, you wanna play?"

Kevin darted away but Nick was practically raised in the ocean and had been teased for being part fish since he was a little kid. He ducked underwater and caught up with Kevin quickly, swimming underneath him and sliding along his body. Nick pushed upward until his head broke the surface right next to Kevin's and grinned as he thrust one leg between Kevin's thighs. He leaned in and caught Kevin's mouth in a very wet, dirty kiss that tasted of chlorine and coffee. In no time at all, they were both hard and arching against each other... and completely forgetting that they should be treading water.

Breaking apart as they slipped underwater again, Kevin and Nick both popped back up and struck out for the shallow end of the pool without even bothering to discuss it. As soon as their feet touched bottom, they were reaching for each other again.

 

***

The next day Kevin had a meeting in the morning and then he and Nick spent the afternoon curled up on the couch watching movies and porn. Jane had the day off so Nick felt comfortable sticking his hand inside Kevin's pants during a particularly hot scene in the video they were watching. He'd just curled his fingers around Kevin's cock when the phone rang. Kevin hit the pause button on the remote and reached for the phone on the table right next to his end of the couch.

Grinning wickedly, Nick unzipped Kevin's fly and pulled his boxers down enough that he could take out Kevin's cock. He only stroked it until Kevin started to greet whoever was on the phone and then he leaned over and licked it.

"Hell...o?" Kevin gave Nick a stern look but he didn't try to stop him, so Nick took the head into his mouth and did something with his tongue that he knew Kevin loved. "Oh! Ummm...hey. Yeah. Ahhhhh...I can't talk right now. Nick's blowin' me. I'll call you back."

Kevin punched the button and let the phone drop to the carpet, while Nick pulled up sharply and glared at him. "What'd you say that for? Who was that?"

"Relax. It was just my grandma," said Kevin with a frighteningly straight face. "She says hi, by the way."

After gaping like a fish for a moment or two, Nick finally managed to squeak out, "That's not funny."

"Oh, I think it is. I just wish I had my video camera handy." Kevin rubbed Nick's shoulders in a soothing manner and Nick allowed it. "Seriously? It was AJ and I don't think he really believed me. Although, it was _AJ_ so maybe he did."

"Prick. I should cut you off for the rest of the night."

"I'm sorry, but really." Kevin laughed until his eyes were wet. "You should have seen your face. Priceless."

"You know, I've got porn now so I don't need you." Nick picked up the remote and started the video again. He slipped his hand inside his shorts and started pumping his dick. He gave a little moan and licked his lips for good measure.

"Come on, Nick...you wouldn't really..." Kevin asked in disbelief, putting his hand on Nick's thigh. Pushing Kevin's hand away, Nick arched a brow and moved his other hand faster. "I mean. I know you're a natural performer but I wanna--" Kevin tried to work his hand inside Nick's shorts.

A familiar chill went through Nick, dampening his arousal and making his stomach clench. He pulled his hand out and shoved Kevin away. He jumped to his feet and tried to ignore the neglected erection tenting the front of his shorts. "There it is again. You got a problem with what I _used to_ do? Like you told me, you knew what I was when we met so don't go acting all offended _now_."

"What are you talking about? No, I don't." Kevin zipped his pants and stood up so that they were eye to eye. "I don't have a problem."

"Oh? I think you do. You make these little comments--not all the time, but just enough so I never can forget how you see me."

"Uh huh." Kevin crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head. "And how is that?"

Nick crossed his arms and lifted his chin, and tried to remain calm when really he wanted to hit something...possibly Kevin's smug face. Kevin's stubbornness might be enough to push Nick over the edge, except that he dug his fingernails into the back of his arm to keep his fingers from curling into a fist. "Stripper first, man second."

"I do not! Am I not allowed to ever make any reference to your former job? If that's what you want, I'm fine with it. But I would have liked a little warning to begin with instead of letting it become such an issue for you."

"It's not _my_ issue! It's yours."

"Oh no. You're going to read in all this extra meaning to everything I say? That is your issue."

"Fine." Nick realized he was shouting but didn't care. There was nobody around to hear anyway. "I've got fucking issues. You've got fucking issues. Whatever. Just stop it."

"Fine," Kevin snapped. "Whatever makes you happy."

"Oh yeah, I'm one really fucking happy fag," lied Nick with a viciousness that sounded suspiciously like his mother, a realization that made him sick to his stomach. He gasped and said, "No, wait. I didn't mean that. I didn't...fuck."

"Nick," Kevin said gently, reaching out for him.

"No. Don't." Nick backed away so he could pull himself together. He took a deep breath and held up his hand to ward off Kevin's well-meaning touch. "Just don't."

"What's wrong? What's really going on here?" Kevin spoke quietly, all anger gone from his voice now as worry took its place. He dropped his hands to his side but didn't move from his spot right in front of Nick.

"I don't want to sound like her," said Nick with a twinge of guilt that might have been misplaced but was there all the same. It added to the sadness that those hateful words had come out of his mouth so easily. He'd almost forgotten the times she'd called him that in a mocking tone that implied he was so much less because of his sexuality. Like many other gay men, he'd tried to reclaim it and use it on his own terms but doing so had never felt right to him.

"Her who? Your mother? Did she call you that?" Kevin drew himself up to his full height and his eyes narrowed in apparent fury. "That woman better not ever say one word to me again. I can't believe something as beautiful as you came from someone so ugly."

Shaking his head, Nick looked away and shoved his hands in his pockets. He didn't feel beautiful. He felt odd and wrong and just as ugly as Kevin accused his mother of being. He took a few steps toward the door and said, "I'm not, I'm...I have to..." He turned around and started to make his escape, no clear destination in mind other than away.

"No, Nick, wait." Kevin caught up with him in the doorway and grabbed his arm. "You can't just run every time things get rough."

"I'm not running."

"Yes, you are," Kevin said insistently. He smiled slightly and added, "But I won't let you unless I can run too."

"That's stupid." Nick frowned, and pulled his arm out of Kevin's grip, but didn't move any further.

"My point. Leaving me or sulking on the beach or whatever doesn't solve anything."

"What? I don't sulk."

"You kinda do."

"No, I don't. Do I?" Nick ignored Kevin's enthusiastic nodding and thought about it. "No, I don't. I....I contemplate stuff."

"Okay then. Can you try to contemplate stuff with me around and actually do it in the house? It looks like it might rain and the beach does get pretty cool after dark."

Nick rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine. I'm not going anywhere."

Kevin grinned and held out his arms, letting Nick make the first move for contact this time and Nick took his sweet time in stepping into them for a hug. Kevin sighed and whispered his love into Nick's ear, while Nick rolled his eyes again and squeezed him tight. He decided to be generous and not cut Kevin off for the night after all, since they only had a few more days left together anyway.

The phone rang again, breaking up their embrace, and Kevin went to answer. He said hello and after a pause, "Not that it's any of your business..." Then he laughed and said, "What up, dawg?" He turned to Nick and mouthed "AJ."

Nick nodded and went to the kitchen for a drink. He manfully ignored Kevin following slowly behind him still talking on the phone, but thought that maybe Kevin had more issues than he did, which made him feel much better about confronting the fact that he had any issues to begin with. He'd been heading to get some orange juice from the fridge, but changed his mind and grabbed a lime from the crisper instead. Next he took the tequila from the cabinet and found the shot glasses. The salt shaker and a sharp knife, and he had all he needed.

After cutting the lime into sections and pouring out a couple of shots, Nick lined everything up on the counter next to where Kevin was leaning, talking to AJ and watching with a bemused smile. The smile grew even wider when Nick pulled Kevin's shirt up and licked a stripe across the ripple of his abs. He sprinkled salt on the wet spot and Kevin said, "Uh, AJ. I gotta go. Nick's doing body shots off me." He listened for a moment and then said, "Yeah, bye."

"He's so jealous." Kevin snickered as Nick licked the salt and tossed back the shot.

"Yeah, well, he can't have you," Nick said firmly then bit into the lime. The tart juice flooding his tongue was a perfect compliment to the taste of tequila and salt and Kevin.

 

***

On the morning of Nick's last day in California, he awoke nearly an hour before the alarm went off. He was lying flat on his back with Kevin draped over his chest, one hand wrapped around Nick's wrist. As usual when he woke up in bed with Kevin, he felt too warm and a little sweaty. He also had to use the bathroom, but he couldn't make himself move Kevin off of him so he could get up.

Instead, he catalogued what Kevin felt like so that he could remember every detail when he woke up alone in his own bed the next morning. It seemed vitally important that he remember the prickle of Kevin's hair against his shoulder, the soft warmth of his breath against Nick's skin, the possessive grip of his fingers, the hard press of his morning erection against Nick's naked hip. He memorized the musky sleep-sex smell of Kevin's body and the barely perceptible thump of his heartbeat.

The corner of Nick's mouth kicked up in a half smile when Kevin snuffled and rubbed his nose against his chest. His smile grew wider when Kevin made a rough just-waking-up sound in the back of his throat and ground his cock into Nick's hip. Nick shifted a little so he could press back against Kevin and got a small appreciative sound for his trouble.

After a crowded moment of silence, Kevin pressed his mouth to Nick's chest, sucking one nipple between his teeth for a gentle bite before licking his way to the other one and do the same. His hands wandered over as much of Nick's body as he could reach without either of them moving too much. They swooped up his sides and skated over his belly and gently stroked his cock and balls then firmly pressed the spot right underneath that always gave a Nick a little extra jolt of pleasure. Nick spread his legs and shifted his hips to encourage more, but Kevin was already moving on to the inside of his thigh and then back up over his torso to his neck.

Kevin raised his head so that he could press his face against Nick's throat, kissing and nibbling at his pulse point as his fingers lightly stroked Nick's cheek and hair.

"Why can't you just stay here with me?" Kevin murmured against Nick's damp skin sending a pleasant shiver through him.

Nick closed his eyes and sighed. He'd been dreading this conversation for the whole visit and now here it was. "Remember what I said about my buddy who sketches tourists but his heart is in painting?" He waited until Kevin apparently searched his memory and then nodded. "Well, I like to draw cartoons and play video games and drive around searching for UFOs and a dozen other things, but my heart has always been with the ocean. I have to go back to it."

"Did you happen to notice that big wet thing out there?" Raising his head to look Nick in the eye, Kevin motioned toward the windows then threaded his fingers through Nick's hair. "You don't _have_ to go."

"Don't make this any harder, Kevin," Nick said, his voice barely above a whisper but firm and steady. "Maybe I'm not saying it right but you're a smart guy. Try to understand. I have to do it--my business--it's... I have to do it now. It's what I've been dreaming of and working for most of my life and if I miss this chance I may not get it again."

"But why? It's not like the ocean is going anywhere. You'll still have the money and you could always find something out here instead."

"I know the Keys. That's my world. This out here is a different ocean, a different world and I don't belong in it. I've had fun but you can see that I don't belong here."

"But--"

"Look, I'm getting the loan I need and I've picked out the boat I want, and it's all coming together now. I can't just put it off and do what? Hang around your house all day while you go and pursue _your_ career and _your_ dreams? You know what that would make me? The worthless fag my mother thinks I am."

"Nick, come on. Don't talk like that."

"I'm--" Nick stopped himself from automatically apologizing because he didn't feel sorry. Kevin wasn't the only one who could be stubborn. When it mattered, Nick could dig in his heels too and this definitely mattered. "Look at it this way, even if I'm not right here in your house, you'll always know where I am. And that's more than I can say for you. You're always going all over the country--the world--and I won't tell you to stop."

"I don't suppose I could convince you to maybe come with me sometimes? I noticed how much you hate to fly, but I've got a pretty nice tour bus..." Kevin smiled and shifted his body against Nick's, reminding them both how hot they'd been for each other just a moment before. "It has a great big bed in the back."

"You have a great big bed right here too." Nick smirked and raised up so he could push Kevin over onto his back. He leaned down and kissed him until they were both breathless, then whispered, "I don't wanna talk anymore. I just wanna love you before I have to leave."

Kevin smiled so big his eyes crinkled up at the corners and said, "Hah. You love me. And I'm not going to let you forget it no matter where we are."

Nick rolled his eyes. Like he could ever forget anyway. But he did enjoy Kevin's ways of showing him, so he really had nothing to complain about. Kevin was just what he needed. Howie was right about that, and maybe Nick would tell him someday.

 

The end.


End file.
